Said the husband to his wife who internally laughed.
I watched him sip his coffee at the bar were I had my pussy ate, by the handsome, sexy hocky player truck driver.
The truck driver who recently said, I am miles away just thinking I will pass. I am hard when I drive into your place.
Happy New year everyone, may this year bring all you need and desire.
Talk about people who know how to fuck themselves. The decided to make up a fabrication about snow conditions to oust a checkpoint. Then the added checkpoint got bad reviews, letters of outright like and outrage. ....
So they asked me to do it.
I am not mentioned as a check point on their website and facebook page.
What a way to run a business, shit.
It's been 6 weeks since he was home. Not really looking forward to it.
I have be giving him these from my homeopathic doc. With her approval.
They work like a dream.
I wondering if most issues in relationships can be associated with an undiagnosed mental illness.
It will pass and Life Will Go On as usual.
It's Not Unusual. We walk through life everyday at our jobs at the supermarket. And all these people have their faces. The ones that we know and expect. I go to church Sunday I go to work each day my life is normal the kids go to school I pick them up. I visit my grandchildren I go on cruises with my husband. And then from this person but I have had since having affairs I know that there is something different about each and everyone of us. Not so one-dimensional. Maybe something that I've known for a long time even as a young person. We get married it's a business arrangement. We take care of each other we pool our money we save for retirement we make investments. And The Crazy Ones were the ones who walk away and lose everything they lose their house they lose their children they lose the respect of the community.
And then there's the rest of us. Who put on the shiny face and everybody except us because we fit into the box. Happy marriage successful lives. And all the emptiness not fulfilled comes from the people outside of these relationships.
Our relationships fit so nicely tucked into are educational background our economic status.
We rarely blurred those lines.
When I started having this affair with my delivery guy my friends the ones that I could tell astonished so beneath you. I don't think I just don't go there if you need something more intellectual that's not how you were made. I thought these things myself. I thought I'm usually turned on by smart men educated men wealthy men.
And here he was so simple and plain. He reminded me of the flowers in the Sun. The fox is playing in the field. There was no pretension about him. I will miss him so much.
This place has a funny way of telling me things. It's like there's a spiritual air in it. Sometimes the energy in this building is brilliant and happy. After long months of having guests the vibration is about the people that you serve and serving them. In the winter I'm more aware of the presence of the energy in this building.
Before moving here I lived in a plain house how to play job and wasn't as intuitive? I wasn't as aware of a different dimension so to speak. I don't believe in ghosts Kama I don't believe in anything spiritual. But there's no denying this house this thing that I live in.
Once a shame and came in and told me that she could feel the energy in the house. Over the years we've had many people come in that have highly technical instruments to measure the energy in this house. And I thought it was all just a bunch of b*******. Was a marketing thing I can make money off of people who came in and did these kinds of things or people who are wanting to stay in a haunted Lodge.
But the energy in the house right before he came telling me that he was leaving it's hard to describe how it felt. Like everywhere you turned there was a dark unseen pillow. Not threatening or dangerous. Just there.
On the days that he would just passed the lodge the house didn't have that excitement but on this day the energy was just like are you prepared will you be wearing something easy to get out of? He's coming you know he's coming. This is happened in the past many times it was so funny because he would arrive and say did you know where this coming? And how do you tell somebody yes I knew all day that you were coming I could feel your heart I could feel your heart drawn to me. It's funny how I could wake at night and feel him thinking of me. I could wake at night an orgasm caused by him thinking of me. Things I'd never been aware of before .
Three flushing toilets, two full tanks of water, and one Christmas wish.
Facebook post of the day. Only one of you knows what it means.
For the rest...
This is where he sat me on the bar to eat my pussy.
Where the husband signs his checks for the delivery.
He had said it over the years....
"Thinking of retirement, of moving with her, buying a farm next to her family. Beautiful place."
And here it has come to that.
Funny how your heart pushes back what you don't want to hear.
Someone once said that we were attracted to each other because we both had this Darkness and in our relationships.
This is true. A severe lack of intimacy.
One of the deepest things he said before fucking me was "I wouldn't, be doing this if she ....
I hate this.... "
I did too. I wanted so much the closeness, just any sign of intimacy from my husband. Nothing.
So these little snippets of broght enormous joy, xhilaration to the heart of darkness.
I could paint, sing, life was good as long as there was the thought that even a slight possibility of his voice, or the sound of his truck going by might encroach my world.
I awoke this morning at peace. He is something that I will never regret .
The emence guilt, the enveloped us each time. For days afterwards. It can't surpass the the connection I felt. And will forever cherish.
Staying focused on being an ethical slutt and having the support of friends that cheat has been very helpful. Feeling much better today thank you
I am just going to ramble on. I got to watch his eyes turn blue when he touched me. I got too much skin flush red and his knees quake and tremble I cut to feel you melt into my skin.
I don't have Christmas if I do not have dinners I do not have lots of foot rubs or can I help you fix your car. I want to see this movie with you. I didn't have those things.
I had him touch my heart with his very presence.
I see all my typos in my lasts posts. Sorry I am not going to change them now.
Just going through in my mind, what is was, what it wasn't.
How I felt ashamed, and tortured. How I felt sexy, free. Young, connected to another human like nothing I had felt before.
In the cloak of darkness.
Not an I love you ever spoken.
Never a meal together.
No gifts.
A few moments shared.
But grief, eternal.
A Something That Never Was. It only existed in moments an extended periods of time.
8 years existed, had my heart, and so much more. He was my muse imagination and my very breath.
It seemed like 2 weeks I couldn't do yoga in the large dining room. It just felt closed in as though I couldn't breathe. My soul felt like it was dying. I kept telling myself I was okay and everything was fine.
Still kind of hard to believe I keep running it through my mind. When was he going to tell me? Was he going to tell me? He could have left without a word and I wouldn't have known until it happened in 2 months.
Were you waiting for me he asked. No of course I wasn't waiting for him I didn't know he was coming. But yes I always wait to see if they'll come and drop in although many times he doesn't.
It's hard to explain. When you just know something or you don't know something.
But there he stood I just stopped by to say...
In my mind I thought it was happy holidays. Merry Christmas see you next year.
He stood there as though he couldn't speak. And I said Merry Christmas thank you so much for stopping.
He said nothing more. Just me we made love. And as he was about to leave he said he was no longer working for the trucking company anymore.
I stood there dumbfounded it and not knowing what to say.
What does that mean? He said that he had quit he told me before that his wife wanted to retire and move back to be with her family. But that he needed to work in Alaska because he had seniority with the union he would make more money and then in four years he could retire. They have sold their house. He sold his truck. Everything is packed. And they had down to the lower 48 in January.
How do you grieve a secret. How do you grieve Something That Never Was. It was everything
When is truck pulled into the driveway I went down and saw it through the window. I went to the side door and opened it.
All the day long I will do everything I haunted I'll run my fingers through his hair sit up on the bar and have him eat me there. Kisses lips touches skin. I want to touch him deeply like I have never done before.
Out restraint with all of my heart.
I just wanted to stop and wish you a Merry Christmas. He took me in his arms and hug me and kiss me. I'm getting hard he said. And then he stepped away. I wasn't going to do that I wasn't going to hold you. I step back and said touch you.
I told myself I wasn't going to. He saw my tree and walk toward it and touch it and smell it he said they smell so good. Do you have a tree I said. Not a real one she-it is allergic to them.
I'm sorry I said.
I was wearing a skirt with nothing underneath it. And when he held me in his arms I pulled his hands down and left it up so that he could touch me. As we got back from the tree so that he could see me walk with no panties. I looked at him and if this is my Christmas wish I want to eat I want to have you eat me on the bar just as you had always wanted to. Here and lock up his truck and lock the doors he came back in while he was gone I set myself up on the bar and spread my legs and exposed myself and has he walked toward me he could see he could see my pussy waiting for him.
I could see his knees go weak the he came closer.
I lay back on the bar and he leaned down and ate me I could feel myself c** inside of his mouth.
When we both needed more he Lifted Me from the bar and turned me around in front of the fireplace. And entered me from behind.
I could do this every night he said. And help me relaxed like I had never done before released everything add to him. We came long and hard together.
I turned to face him I I took his hair in my hands and held him close as if I would never see him again. If you don't stop wind up in the bedroom. When I said you could stay all night if you like.
We chatted for a little and then he said it's something that I have to tell you.....
But I've always wondered why humans do not have a penis bone.
http://www.nbcnews.com/health/mens-health/new-study-explains-why-men-don-t-have-penis-bones-n696616
Today was the day that he passes. This house this house that speaks without words. Deep heaviness said he was going to stop today. So I pretended in my mind that I could not hear its voice. I got up and did my yoga fed my chickens got the mail Went Out jumped in the hot tub.
I pushed it out of my mind in my heart begged he would come.
I went to my closet and pick out a skirt that I would wear nothing underneath and a top that he would slide up gently it was silk. And I said at least I will be ready if he comes.
It was my Christmas wish. All that I had wanted for several weeks was to fill fill one of his fantasies. And it had become mine over these years.
I was sitting in my room in the sitting room waiting to watch his truck pass when all of a sudden I heard it out in front of my house.
Time to go under the bed where the box of toys are and go through them. I have everything under the sun. And no one to play with. It took a lot of tricking and manipulating of the husband in order to purchase them all otherwise he would be suspicious. My excuse but in life and our marriage and do something fun. But really I was buying them for the delivery guy it's fun to keep it interesting and exciting. But I haven't seen him in 6 weeks. 6 long weeks.
I haven't done anything fun this year it's too cold to ski. No one wants to come up and have sex with me and hang out. There's no one to have sex with. I've gained 20 pounds since my back injury. It's good to have a break from everything but I think I'm kind of edging out of being comatose. 40 below it's been keeping me pretty tied to the house because my car won't start. And nobody wants to come and visit period the husband comes home on Monday and we'll be home forever. So even if something wonderful happens something incredible happens then it's going to have to be a single guy with a house that I can like to stay at because it's not happening.
No it's worse than that. I'm turning into a an Alaskan man.
Take for example my thoughts of recent weeks...
It's really not that important to flush the toilet every time
I can make a crock pot full of food and it will last for days
I can wear those jeans one more time after 5 days
The car isn't starting its minus 40 well the waffle iron gets hot I can put that under there and see if it'll keep the engine.
I need to get out of the house I need to go shopping I need to do girly things this is craziness. I'm happy and healthy and not depressed but I think I need some girl time
In a recent post by a fellow blogger about what if. What if something should happen to me and they go through all of my toys under the bed. Or heaven forbid go through my computer or my cell phone.
When my ex husband passed away in a car accident his lover and I went through his house and remove everything incriminated before his family showed up.
But that was in the good ol Days and then when there was no internet.
I was no longer with my husband but we still remain friends. Just not sexually.
The thought of my cell phone or my computer being ramshackled and both gone through goes through my mind every time I leave the house. Especially if the husband is home. Not that there's a lot to find. Nowadays things are so much more complicated. There has to be a way for one of our friends to go into our homes and totally destroyed all of our Electronics. And take our p*** from the house. What are friends for.
A form of getting back in touch with myself. It seems I have forgotten who I am as a sexual being as a woman.
It seems I have forgotten all of the words that have been said to me by men who have loved me as a sexual being.
You're the sexiest woman I have ever been with. Never come 5 times in a row except with you. I think you and I trip and get hard.
I remember that it's not always someone else who makes the scenarios and credible and Powerful. Being in the hot tub naked when you show up. Taking you in the greenhouse. Slow calculated seduction.
I own my sexuality I sexual wonderful being. A powerfully sexually wonderful being.
I wonder about everything that's going on with women today. We should know who we are sexually and in the workplace. We should never give up who we are as females. We can still do a job and still be female.
It seems as though there is a image of power that only men have in the workplace. We have always had our own power in the home and in our realm as females.
I think that if transgendered gay lesbian? People can have equal rights to express themselves still be able to go to work and be who they are and not lose their jobs it is time for women to do the same. We can go out there and we can be women and the powerful and be proud of who we are as females. And not be ashamed of who we are as females and our sexuality. It is time for us to unite and be free.
But back to masturbation. A part of me that I do not indulge in often enough.
That was the last thing he said. We have not had any contact at all in 5 weeks. It's been a very lonely winter. And now it's the holidays. Lots of posts in baking cookies with his wife on Facebook. A family that loves him. I'm not jealous and I realize that the only relationship that we have is that he delivers here and occasionally we had sex. I'm just ready for something that I've had in the past. Where I talk to the person a lot or they text me or email me. And they come up and we sure the fireplace and it's casual and warm and we still have contact even though we're not seeing each other that way anymore. It's like I took a step aside from having complex relationships to having something that is totally outside of who I am as a person and what I want. But yet it's a dark look into What's missing and the Darkness of my situation where I live and who I married to. And there he was. Maybe his life is it somehow as dark as mine and we match it away. It's like I can't walk away. Even he said it you're the only one that does it for me. I don't understand. You're not the kind of person that I want but yet you're the only one. Maybe by just saying all of these things out loud to someone. I'm a block is the only place that I can say anything. You're all my friends in this secret world that I live in.
Hmmm hot coffee, scrambled eggs with taters, ham and cheese, and home grown toast! Oh and the smell of wood smoke from the fire place. Those are delicious memories! Happy Tuesday to you too boo boo!
This was a comment on my Facebook page today. It brought back lovely memories.
He fit effortlessly in my life, and was such a comfortable match.
He moved far away, but we remain friends .
It was more than a good breakfast :-)
http://kimanami.com/how-high-are-the-stakes-for-you/
The lodge had that Eerie creepy feeling it sometimes gets. A feeling of unrest. This sometimes happens when a change is going to happen or someone dies in the community. It had been a while and so I forgot about it. But someone came in today and said that a member of the the community had passed away last night in his bed. Very sad.
In fact it was the truck driver who told me. They had had their wedding hair and reception. Nobody much liked her she left a few years ago stating that he had beaten her and she had to sneak out in the middle of the night. None of us had seen her again. It will be interesting to find out what happened hopefully natural causes. But the house is maybe it's something more. Maybe a struggle.
He was sad and distant when he came in. One of his accounts was found dead in his bed yesterday.
We took care of the delivery. Then he caressed me from behind. He was out of sorts.
"What's this"
It was my corset.
" I came prepared "
"You always make hard"
He looked up the truck and came back in. I pulled my silk blouse revealing corset are revealing my black corset and silky Black Panties. He went into the bedroom and took off all of his clothing. I removed my panties and laid face down on the bed as he stood in front of me. I took him in my mouth. So that he could see me in my black corset with my ass hanging out and my legs twist twitching in the Delight.
He took my hair and wrap them wrapped it around his hands. Perfect for holding for when I f*** you from behind. I'm so glad that he likes my hair and how long it's gotten. He flipped me around on the bed and we can eating my pussy and playing with my ass . He was amazing. He entered me from behind it was incredible. As it always is. He came very hard. I love it when he rolls over on the bed I just wants to talk just about anything.
The whole time I was nervous even though we were closed in the building was safely locked and it's very quiet not expecting anyone to come by. He noticed and asked several times if I was ok. It gave me the clue to relax and enjoy the precious moment of his company. He stood by the bed naked and he just held me right. Afterward we dressed I walked him to the door and we chatted for awhile. You don't have to say thank you you know he said.
He said he might come back this weekend for the funeral but if the funeral was mid-week he probably wouldn't come.
It feels like routine we always try to make time for each other. In between the times weeks and months go by and we don't say anything to each other. But it seems like time has not passed.
"I just think of you and I am rock hard"
Just wow. I have been so in pain and insured for so long this is come just in time. My back feels great I'm doing yoga postures that I haven't done in years I can work all day and feel absolutely no pain.
And then this. It wiped away all of my I'm such an old lady and I'll never have any fun anymore my total personality seem to be wiped from me.
And then this.
I pulled my favorite black corset from the closet with matching underwear Lacey soft silky underwear.
As if it matters there is yummy things in the oven that will smell the house and a fire in the fireplace.
But most of all a black silky corset. And it fits it's almost too large but it fits. My hair is long and flowing just as he had asked me not to cut it. I am so excited and nervous.
He can do the job, so what's the point?
Lol, I live this story as politics these days ate so contentious. Alaska has some interesting candidates. I will keep you updated.
http://m.juneauempire.com/local/2016-09-29/troubling-twitter-account-assembly-candidate-quayle-talks-lactation-big-bust-models#gsc.tab=0
There has not been much play time with the husband home all summer. Plus a very broken back.
This are looking up. I had my back worked on by two qigong massage therapists. It is like new. I can now feel my legs.
The truck driver is still close in my thoughts.
But it is becoming clear who he is, and how we differ. We seem to be closer, more open. A permanent fixture.
Husband has been home and seeing him all summer. Just little bits of him here and there. Teasing me to other occasionally. So ready for winter so ready for the husband to go back to work. My back was in such pain in the summer because I just worked so hard and had so many projects. I got to text with him today I think he was concerned about me I think he misses me.
The husband said of the truck driver. Why? He forgot my Wisky I ordered, he said.
I had just come in the door from a trip to town. Trying to get my back up and running again. Chiropractic, Accuputure, anything to get back to normal.
I can imagine the truck driver was befuddled. We had just been texting prior to his walking in the door.
It is funny how the truck driver's vibration is so intense. It is like it permeates the walls, I can feel where he stood and walked.
The husband seemed to chanel him all evening. He seems to sense there is something going on. And it turns him on.
Went to a music festival last weekend. I manage to tent with tge organizers, know most of the musicians, stage, sound crew.
It just didn't feel like home to me. It ft sad. In day I danced all day and night. And often ended up in a few handsome men's arms, and beds. Relationships were forged.
The torenchle rains didn't help my disposition
Although I was set up in s comfortable tent, I couldn't stay warm.
I left early and found the long way home. One hundred miles of dirt road, strung with lakes , mountains, and glaciers.
I have been having a siatca episode. Very debilitating.
But I have been uplifted by reading fellow bloggers.
I did have a lovely kiss from the truck driver.
It amazes me how the world around us disappears and we become one. The place us open, packed,.the husband is near by. His friend is at the bar. As we round the conner in a tiny place he whispered " I want to fuck you"
One more step , we embrace, and kiss. I taste his sweetness, the sweat on his cheeck, as we slip away, and 4 steps farther, are in the bar, I hand him the key.
He is flushed and bright, rosy cheeks. It is though he is lighting the room, and everyone else is in the shadows.
We all go about our business. The truck driver and I are in a dimension no one sees.
The thing that I live with us at home. He shows up like 4 hours late with the boat he never told me he was considering buying. Not the first time he's done s*** like that. I bought a house and I didn't tell you. What the f***. I work a f****** 16 hour a day job running his business my back is busted up I can be really motherfucks stand up and he's out camping for the next book in 3 days. I'm stuck here motherfucke working or you just f*** off. I'm responsible for the reputation of this business and everything that happens here and he just doesn't give a s*** I just had to vent I'm just like seriously. Was wondering why he was so sorry motherfucks sweet to me. It's like everybody knows he's been f****** around on me from the very f****** beginning. I f****** hate him.
"I would rather be laying next to you in bed"
I miss you sweetness.
He couldn't stop today.
It rained like crazy. Thunder, lightning.
More than it has ever rained here before.
A comfort, even the earth feels how I miss him.
So I flew my daughter up here for a visit and I thought the best way to visit me would be to participate in some of the things that I do everyday. My daughter was once my son. And so it's a real learning process for both of us. Since she loves to cook and do household things that is what she said on her Facebook page and in emails and phone calls. In my mind I thought what a great way for a mother-daughter Bond. I also arranged for her to go to parties with me. I showed her off I was never ashamed of her.
Through the course of a four-day visit that was supposed to be 2 weeks she was rude she put me down she accused me of not showing her off in public and then the last straw. I asked her to be honest with me hang out with me and gave her opportunities to interact with my friends and this is what she said to me. I don't want to hang around with your redneck lowbrow uneducated friends. First off my friends aren't lowbrow they're some of the most influential people in the state of Alaska. What did she intend to do just sit and stare at me for 2 weeks. She seems so determined to be cruel to me and she even said that she had friends that could kill me what the f***. At that point sitting in the car I said she had two choices. She could call a cab that I would not pay for, or she had a thumb that could take her to Anchorage the 300 miles that she needed to go to get back to the airport.
And that was the last time I saw or heard of her.
Of his hair.
I can't remember the day I noticed there was no longer brilliant red that I love so much. White streaks and replaced the highlights of golden. And then as time has grown more white. Have we love this long?
One day in conversation my husband asked how old he was. He said he was 55. I didn't realize we were so close in age. I had always thought him younger than I much younger. I anticipate a visit from him if time allows. It's Thursday. At night I can hardly sleep in anticipation of the possibility. I love that has no structure, no meaning in the world, but he's my very life and breath.
Have a huge event this weekend just the set up is overwhelming. No staff.
I flew my daughter up from Florida to help.
Just a side note, she's Transgender.
Not any big deal really. I took her to a society function last night. I was obligated to help as I am on the board. We left early because of the drive and so much to do before friday.
As I was driving in anchorage I saw a delivery truck like his, sure enough he was there dropping off.
It's scary how my heart feels him there in a big city.
He might stop tomorrow. I hope not. I just feel weird.
Not much I can do. My schedule is so full for the next 2-3weeks.
Still no staff. I feel not so much overwhelmed, but missing me. My time, to paint, to meditate, just regroup.
Wish me luck.
As you planted the flowers in the garden."
The said" I rarely get to see you in that place."
I felt a ping of guilt. I was working in the place designed as his garden.
The forget me nots are a feature there. The sent is supposed to heal a soul of grief and loss.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myosotis
I can't do this by myself anymore.
I need to sleep, and play more. The problem is finding the right person. One that works hard, takes direction, and is either non observant, or very discreet.
Also something the truck driver would have no interest in. I would be insulted.
But, the truth is and always has been he has others.
I need an other. Something more , before I forget what that even is.
The house had a cold dark feeling. Didn't last very long. The night before I couldn't sleep. I called out his name and whispered I love you I love you I love you. It was a feeling I had never felt before. A desperate longing to hold him close. Today is Thursday he was scheduled to make delivery today. He never came. I looked at that post on his Facebook page to find out that his father had passed away. I texted him and told him I'm sorry I was that this had happened. And that my thoughts and prayers are with his family. Immediately texted back that he missed me and was looking forward to seeing me today. He will be flying out of state tomorrow morning. But I will text or call sometime this week. It all feels so different. It feels so real. The last time I had seen him he told me how much felt like he belonged in me. I agree he does belong in me. We touched without holding back. It was good and warm and loving. It's like we live in a different dimension. Most relationships have birthdays they have family have Mother's Day and anniversaries. We have moments. I plant him gardens. I have stained glass windows with flowers I have stained glass windows with flowers putting them just for him . I painted his portrait. It's not the same things that other people get to have. Those are just things. A frame around it supposed to be a life. We have spirit. Something that is beyond this world.
He is like a different person. Like the husband that I never ever had in this relationship. But I still have this feeling that I don't like you very much. I try not to start anything and is sit back and have conversations like I did when I was kind of like holding back of the from the inside so he wouldn't react to them. It's just kind of the opposite but the same. Meanwhile the delivery guy is wonderful I haven't seen him in 2 weeks and I miss each other just like we touched it away it was deep and close in a way that we never did.
He passes today. Early in the morning. I am in bed sleeping but I hear him slow down. He looks for the husband's car.
I might get a text, but do I want one?
Feeling like the bloom is off the rose.
Have to say it was a little creepy that two conversations were going on at once. And yet it was so disconnected from each other. As they walked back to their trucks he turned around and said are you going to place an order next week. His cheeks were flushed red you could see you the excitement in his eyes and they glowed. But yet my interest for him has faded.
As I walk to the chicken coop I saw the truck drivers truck pulling to the end of our parking lot. I heard another truck pulling beside it. He leaped out of the truck and ran up to his friend. I was wondering why they had to park so far away. Or that they had parked in my driveway at all. The husband was home in fact we were in the yard working on the greenhouse. I thought to myself this cannot be good I headed for the chicken coop with the Chicken Treats. I looked out they were still there. I went back in the chicken coop and thought I'm just going to stay in here. I heard them talking to the husband it went into the lodge. I came out it seems safe and walked over. In a while they came out of the lodge and said just came by to say thank you for the bathroom. I knew they hadn't stopped for the bathroom. This was his friend the one that he wanted to have a threesome with. It took a while and talk to the husband and myself. Some of the things he said cut me to the Bone. I would never stay at this place. This is too much work. I would go stir-crazy having to live here. Then before he left he said what are you doing next weekend I had to explain that I had every treat planned for that weekend in the lodge. Obviously he wanted to hook up and set up something for the weekend. It'd be nice to have a normal conversation. I think that what hurt the most is when you're having an affair with someone you think I would like this person to spend everyday with me working in my garden just laughing over coffee in the morning. In those moments I realized I would never want to spend any time with this person in real life. It hurt to have my dreams or my fantasies really crushed to the ground. On the other hand it's nice to think at my age did somebody wants to fuck me and then set up a threesome and share me with somebody else. What an ego booster.
Sweet messages from the truck driver. Wanting to see me.
But the husband comes home today. A much needed break for him. He has been working for 4 weeks.
The hope is that there us work this summer.
All is well and as it should be here. Spring is a month early. The plants might get an early srart.
The chickens are un cooped and happy. I am freshening the flock with new chicks. Easter eggers. They are
Pretty.
I have a show coming up May first, so have to get s few more paintings done.
Seeing an opera this Friday. And spending time with husband.
It's like there is a heavy feeling of death in the lodge.
It could be anything really. Someone may pass, or a loss or change in the community will occur.
It's quite erie.
All memories from my past are surfacing. My secrets. All the things that kept me going these long dark years, 15.
Some good things, some as empty and lonely as winter.
The spring light exposes cobwebs, and dust.
It now sheds light on dreams and hopes of something deeper with the truck driver.
Never an overnight, a meal shared, siting in front of the fireplace.
All the romantic preparation. ...
Just 5 to 10 minutes of passion.
It is though we are the physical bodies. And spirits inhabit them to meet once again.
The phone rang it was him. I couldn't find you on Facebook. Is he home? No he is at work I can speak . Will you be alone tomorrow morning? Around 8:39 o'clock? Can I see you?
Yes you can see me . I couldn't wait to see him it has been so long.
I could hardly sleep that night. He arrived late a little after 9 o'clock. His last delivery held him up.
I can't stay long he said. The salesman is right behind me. I asked if he would stop if he saw his truck here. Yes he would stop if you saw his truck here. I took him in my arms and held him at least I have this. And he embraced me close. Kissed me deeply and passionately .
Your hair is getting so long.
You asked me not to cut it I said.
He shook his head held me close and kissed my hair.
You look good with long hair I like it.
I must taste you he said.
We locked the doors I did not want to get caught.
He kissed me again.
I sank to my knees took him in my mouth.
Sweet taste and the way he responded to me.
We ended up in my bedroom. In the short time that we were able to be together he knew how to touch me. He whispered I could do this every night for the rest life.
I love his words even though I knew they were just for this moment.
As always afterward we sat by the fire and talk just mundane everyday things. It does not feel like it is just physical.
The days pass and there is no conversation no texting no email. There are no birthday presents no meals together no flowers. There are just these moments that we have every several months.
He is such a light to my weary soul. At times I want something more. But this is what it is, and it's better than nothing at all.
The phone rang. I heard his voice on the other end of the line I will be coming tomorrow with your delivery I am running late. That will be fine I said. He said he just didn't want to make anyone angry at him. I said he could never make me angry. I heard him sigh, then he said do you want to hook up. Is he at home can you talk? He's outside I can talk for a little bit. I want you and I missed you it's been so long. I told him I have missed him too.
It had been months since I held him last.
The next day the truck arrived and he brought in that our order. the husband talked for awhile to him as I made myself busy in the kitchen. Always good just to hear him move. He came around the corner and I was standing there . Hello. soft and sweet as though his soul were speaking to mine. He placed the order in the storage room. I could feel him shutter as he walked through the room that we had many times made love in. As he turned and passed me he said how's it been trouble? Have you been in trouble lately? No I said unfortunately I have been very good. We laughed. How about you? have you been in trouble lately? He looked down towards the floor. Yes I know he has others .
The husband was home so there were only glances when we knew that he could not see us. He was paid, but his receipt did not print out for us. He said it was funny because it is just work at his last delivery. My husband said it's the ghost. Ghost? Yes it's the ghost she sometimes interferes with things here. We talked about haunted places in Anchorage one in particular that he would like to stay. But he could not find a friend who would stay with him. He asked what it was like to live with a ghost and we told him a few stories. He asked if it was creepy. No not so much. It's something you get used to. We said our goodbyes and he was on his way. It would be 2 weeks before I saw him again.
The truck driver made his usual rounds, albeit the husband is home from work due to massive layoffs on the north slope.
The truck driver came in chatted with us both. Whew, I thought this will be easy, what our future from now on will be.
As he brought the delivery in I walked to the kitchen to contin cooking. He followed me in as the conversation with the husband continued . He watched as the husband turned away, he grabbed his cock, and mouthed " I need you so bad"
I nearly fainted.
Then as he talked to the husband though the pass through . He then proceeded to make his way to the walk-in.
"You have a pink mixer?"
You never noticed, as I mashed the potatoes he asked why I didn't have a masher. I walked to a self and pulled my antique one from it's crock. Does your's have a green handle? When he looked my way, I licked it sensually. He laughed.
When he was done collecting the check, receipt, and went to the door, I softly said thank you, as I did every time we made love.
His knees buckled, he sighed audibly, he tremmered, as he pushed the door open to leave.....
Maybe it's not over yet.
I
It was good to have it all behind me.
It was well received, but not acknowledged by anyone from the board.
Dicks
Come join us
https://client00.chat.mibbit.com/?server=irc.synirc.net&channel=%23cake
Actually a friend accidentally messaged me it. She is in s very cool poly relationship.
https://m.facebook.com/UndisclosedDesires2/photos/a.243469365833626.1073741829.236681729845723/526525977527962/?type=3
Well I am done with the race as of today. I finished writing tge article for the magazine that I promised. Minis the promotion of the race, and the plea for donations.
It could have made a great story. I could have used and advanced local artists.
Instead I had to hire a photographer from anchorage.
How can people be such idiots.
But then again, this is the heart of darkness.
She asked. We had a pretty bad earthquake. I replied "earthquake? I thought it was the husband masterbating. "
I really did, and I wondered why it was taking so long.
We didn't have much damage here. Closer in was just a mess. People were scared, the electric went out, for some.
The bright side, a lover texted me to see if I was ok.
Bring your sexyness in I will pop in around 5pm Alaska time.
https://client00.chat.mibbit.com/?server=irc.synirc.net&channel=%23cake
Hung over from the wild party the night before he sauntered in. He started his sales pitch "the team needs you to step down from the board, and play the game you do best."
Like?
With a scrunched up face he implied washing dishes, cleani ng toilets, and making beds.
I reminded him of all things I brought to the organization. Also that I sit on other boards.
He said that all we want from you is a check point, if we need it next year.
I said I didn't want to hang around being dry humped. By this board, or by him.
"But before you resign, vote for my friend to be president, and we are going to hire a bookkeeper " he said. WTH. I saved them shit tons of money, and gave them my space fir their event free for two years .
Think of it we will have a sports caster right here, and go pros. Lots of media coverage.
They did nothing to promote my lodge for two years, and left my name out of all TV reports.
A lot fuck you's were said.
Then I sent all the treasurer stuff down the highway, and resigned.
An opera party.
The husband shared the happenings around here when I returned. It was good to get away the race drama was stressful.
"Oh and the truck driver stopped to use the bathroom. He said he couldn't wait till his next stop." He didn't have a delivery, in wonder if he misses me, as I miss him always .
After bailing the race out two years in a row, helping them to get their shit together they have decided that I need to go, but will remain a checkpoint for their race until they find another one.
If we didn't help them the race would have ended last year. Not only that, because of lack of snow in other areas, quafier races like this were canceled. It would have drastically hurt the Iditarod. I was told this by one of their officials, with tears in his eyes.
All of this year they begged other lodges that are closed, and want nothing more to do with them because of their disfunction to do this. Plus the lodges hate dog racing, mushers, and the mess. They prefer to think of themselves as fancy restaurant /resort
But, they despise the thought of me, an out sider. Having anything to do with it.
Even the board is swayed by the it. I will fight this till my last breath, they my very well loose this race, because of it.
The mushers may also revolt because of the bad treatment they have given us.
We gave the race our very best.
It's not over yet.
And when I have time I will share it all with you. You know how I call this 0lace the heart of darkness. ... a light may shine here after all , if all goes my way.
It's nice to hear how well you do something,
It's even better to hear it from people, lots of people, in front of a crowed room, in front of all the other people who for months conspired against you,
That's a win.
Here is the link to watch the spot trackers of the mushers.
http://www.cb300.com/racecentral.aspx
I miss going in and at least one person or more would be there. Your could talk about anything, even food, fashion, whatever.
Or just hang out.
https://client00.chat.mibbit.com/?server=irc.synirc.net&channel=%23cake
