The truck driver's foot prints

The fire grows dim. Needs another log.from outside.
Pulling the log from the wood pile it catches my eye.
So long ago. 
And here we are.
Stealing these moments that possibly save our souls.

The truck driver stopped.....briefly

I could hear the Jake brake as I sat at my easel painting. I grew warm and wet, i gushed as heard the the cab door open. Worried he would find the door locked I run to the other side of the house as he opened the side door just in time to catch me run. The smile grow on his face as my words stumbled out of my mouth. 

He took my in his his as he explained that he couldn't stay long. The boss had ordered him to come back soon. There was a storm coming in from east, a bad one. 

"I can't stay, I just stopped in, i didn't want to just pass." He hugged me, and kissed me. Then asked if i would stop texting sexy messages to him. "They make me hard" he said. "I am hard now" I said I would as he snuggled me close. "Are you lying" he said. Yes, we giggled

He asked what I was up to, i eagerly took him to my studio to see my painting. As we walked in he said it was hot, me too He asked if It were the menopause making me hot. I said yes it is the menopause that happens here, gesturing to my pelvis. And I am very wet. He looked at my painting, "I just don't know how people do this" I answered neither do I . We laughed again. He loked at me expectly we to tell him. I told him once in a text I could not paint if it were not for his touch, and all it gave to me.

As I walked him to the door from behind he undid my trousers. Reaching in he felt my wet pussy.

"It has to be fast" An apologetic look my way as we decided to have him fuck me from behind in front of the fire place. We fucked as he talked softly of his fantasy, from his texts the night before. 

We both came, me many times. "My ass is on fire" I guess we were too close to the stone fireplace. Too impassioned to think. 

We chatted about what we were doing for New Years, tonight, I said Painting he would watch a hockey game at the Sully. We kissed. He showed his lip were he was struck with a puck last week. We kissed. 

I walked him to the door. We kissed. 

I listened as he pulled away.

Having confidence issues

Maybe it's another birthday.  But my libido which is highly related to my confidence is at an all time low.

I could blame it on many things from overwork , being overwhelmed by the stress of a failing marriage , or just plain winter blues.

In stead of running away from it I think I will delve into clearing my mental palet with a meditation class.

I run so often in too many directions.  I am going to focus on letting go letting life take care of itself.

Good night

♡♡♡ for some of you it will be the new year.  I wish this one farewell . I hope the best for you all. Those who are feeling sorrow. Peace.

happy new year ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Sexting.

I'm gonna put u on ur hands and knees and I'm gonna eat ur pussy and ur ass, just before u climax I'm gonna stick my cock in ur pussy and a dildo in ur ass and send u to a bone shattering climax

Wow I hate to say this but I am stunned.  Anyone want to help me b plan the sexyest. Overnight ever. I need to know what really turns a man on.

Saw you pass...I was up early

The truck driver texted " can I stop by tomorrow? "
yes please do . I answer.
  " I can't stay long "
no problem will just be nice to see you.  You never do. But best to get back , it is new years eve.
"Some night I will spend the night cause I like sex in the morning"

Me to

Not very intellectual.  Not my type. Not anything you would guess from me. But there it is. The love of my life. 

Dark , as it is cloudy. But warmer

I love alaska winters , they empathize with me that I am lonely, loveless. I find comfort here in the darkness. 

At least it is truth. 

Stuck

It is -50 and all the pipes are frozen. The toilets would not flush, the car won't start and the gas pump is not working. It is way too cold to ski.

Have been on facebook, chatting and doing projects. It is like my brain can't think. So hard to write anything worth reading.

the spainard

"When will you be in town next? We could meet for lunch and........"

He was sexy, even in a cast that extended from his hip to his foot. We exchanged tatoo photos on our cell phones at the bar, and chatted by thefire. it was dangerous as his wife was always nearby. They came up with club the only ones not on bikes.

He chased me around the kitchen. He texted, and called asking me to meet for yoga and a massage.

Today I met him for lunch. It was so different, out of context. We chatted about his family the holidays, life. interspersed with lets go now to a room, and you would really like this.

I soon realized he was not what i wanted. besides the risk of his biker wife kicking my ass he just wasn't turning me on. The final blow came, "you would be the only one" Really, I was stunned. Who says that, and believes it.

When I was done eating, I reached for the bill, he paid it. I think we both knew at the end it was nice to just be friends.

It was interesting to be on the other side of not being turned on, or having chemistry for someone. I was the one to make the decision to go forward. But having respect and consideration for his feelings.

Nothing was under the tree

There wasn't a tree in fact. It was easy putting the place back to pre Christmas. The house is still and quiet. 
In fact it is a good thing to let myself rest and recuperate from the opera and other obligations before winter warms up.

Just reading books and hanging out with the dogs.

They always say to exercise more when you injury yourself.  But it feels like I needed to just take it easy.

It's the winter rejuvenation in Chinese medicine my acupuncturists talks about.

Joe is wearing an old sweater

I seem to be knitting lots of things to take the edge off wanting to care for someone.  Why is it that women do this? An inward need to love.

Leaf

I didn't think of you today...my leaf.

Just pretty

For those of you who are wondering. ...

Happy holidays

I want to send this to the husband

He would be so of mad . It is not want you think. I would love a husband I did not have to cheat on.

I bought toys, books gave him permission to fuck whom ever he wanted. 

Our sex life was toucher.  He would kiss me tease me then push me violently aside and masterbate.

He would threaten and tell me who he was fucking.

I remember sighing in my lovers arms after he said I would fuck you everyday he is so lucky. I said he doesn't touch me. His surprised look ....I said it doesn't hurt me any more. 

Getting ready to go to town

I will be singing with a chorus for midnight mass. It will take some of the loneliness away.  And I get to be with friends too.

It is so beautiful here. But the panic attacks are keeping me up at night.
If I had my house I would move out. I dream about my sweet little garden and how safe it was there.

I never knew I would live with someone functioning with a violent mental illness. 

All my friends know and we have all agreed it is time.

Please send thoughts for this place to sell. Then I can start over.

Stolen, and thanks Advisertoall.blogspot.com

Truth
“It’s a strange thing, how you can love somebody, how you can be all eaten up inside with needing them – and they simply don’t need you. That’s all there is to it, and neither of you can do anything about it. And they’ll be the same way with someone else, and someone else will be the same way about you and it goes on and on – this desperate need – and only once in a rare million do the same two people need each other.”
— Madeline L’Engle (via 

Feeling lonely and out of sorts

I know it is not the holidays. I don't practice. But it is dark, lonely and everyone of my lovers is caught up in busy. Just a short text, a nod my way, would make my day.

I need more.

A winter wonderland

All I want for Christmas....

Your shirt, after you have worn it. I want to unwrap you......you are my present, you are my Christmas. This is what I would say, if it were more. If it were real between the truck driver and I.

It is dark and cold. Cabin fever has settled in. Fortunately there is no drone of carols, no cards no gifts. After the drama of last year the husband is at work.

He gave me a card before he left, nothing personal, just a signature, as though signing a document.

No worries, I am long past loving him.

This Christmas season is like one big ptsd attack

At a play...

I missed out on singing at the museum, or with chorus doing the messiah. Boo hoo. So here I am watching my friends play. Cute small theatre. I have never been here.

Why here? Escaping the crazy at home. Boy did I need a break. He bought a house, didn't heat it, pipes are broken, water everywhere. Can't rent it.....and the clincher, can't pay any bills because he spent all the savings buying it. So fucked. All behind my back.

Good morning sunshine 10:24 AM

Happy Sunday

Life is good husband leaves this week, and I get to sing with friends..... oh and sex is in my future.