if I could write a song

I know that on the road it can get real lonely
When your body aches, but not from work, or lack of sleep.
I will be there, but I need more than you are offering.  Something quite to ease my soul.

This can only lead to heart ache
It can't go further than the door.
But while you are here, we are granted mercy. Lord knows the pain the world can throw

It hurts most when I think it's over
Maybe more, if it were just a fantasy
The friendship we offered each other was warm rich deep and real.
Even if in the real world,  it could never be  understood 

Fleeting moments that mean more than most of life's encounters 

In my thoughts, as more than memory 

Cock Blocked By Disaster

It's been a frustrating 3 years.

Let's start with a house fire that changed my routine. Thinking I had my life much in  Control, As far as dealing with  Uncontrollable situations,    Improvisation of themes,    Roles,  Imagination of who I am, The world around. Making some sense of it all.

Thrown into, Or back into the life of that most others live. Thinking I will pick up where I left off. But, People move, They Change, They marry, And they die. The towns have changed. Not sleepy little farm towns, Or bedroom community. Full blown commercial enterprise has taken over. Roads paved. Farms are now subdivisions.

I have a quiet place on 3 acres. Moose wander through to nibble on tree branches. It has a pond where ducks have young. An occasion will Swan flits in to rest. Sand Hill cranes stop in on their way up North. I patiently wait hummingbirds to feeders hopefully this year.

 The garden is much smaller, And fruit trees have been planted.

So, Basically starting over. Forming relationships. Finding things to occupy myself. I forget that everything I did there was a part of the younger self.

Except for the few and very far between messages from the truck driver, Nothing. I am not on his route.

They lead to no meetings.  Just the silent comfort of knowing he existed somewhere in my memory.

There was the fire. Then 2 years ago and earthquake. We were set up to meet for a quick b*** j**. The text were short. We rarely talk about life, No hemming or hawing around. Pure sex. Nothing to interfere with what the relation ship is or is not.

 Then, 7.3.  It was the most frightening earthquake I had ever experienced. The after shocks went on for a year. And worse yet. He disappeared.

Next, The husband was laid off.  Possibly to retire. But he didn't.

Plans were made to meet.

Then covid 19. 

 It was a long year. A time to reflect on why and who were my friends. What place they have in my life. It seems that my blog friends are the truest. Not knowing much of their lives but knowing a part of what is honest.

We were in the midst of how about Saturday, A few words here about longing, Touch and taste. Then gone. Then covid.