Said the husband to his wife who internally laughed.
I watched him sip his coffee at the bar were I had my pussy ate, by the handsome, sexy hocky player truck driver.
The truck driver who recently said, I am miles away just thinking I will pass. I am hard when I drive into your place.
Happy New year everyone, may this year bring all you need and desire.
Talk about people who know how to fuck themselves. The decided to make up a fabrication about snow conditions to oust a checkpoint. Then the added checkpoint got bad reviews, letters of outright like and outrage. ....
So they asked me to do it.
I am not mentioned as a check point on their website and facebook page.
What a way to run a business, shit.
It's been 6 weeks since he was home. Not really looking forward to it.
I have be giving him these from my homeopathic doc. With her approval.
They work like a dream.
I wondering if most issues in relationships can be associated with an undiagnosed mental illness.
It will pass and Life Will Go On as usual.
It's Not Unusual. We walk through life everyday at our jobs at the supermarket. And all these people have their faces. The ones that we know and expect. I go to church Sunday I go to work each day my life is normal the kids go to school I pick them up. I visit my grandchildren I go on cruises with my husband. And then from this person but I have had since having affairs I know that there is something different about each and everyone of us. Not so one-dimensional. Maybe something that I've known for a long time even as a young person. We get married it's a business arrangement. We take care of each other we pool our money we save for retirement we make investments. And The Crazy Ones were the ones who walk away and lose everything they lose their house they lose their children they lose the respect of the community.
And then there's the rest of us. Who put on the shiny face and everybody except us because we fit into the box. Happy marriage successful lives. And all the emptiness not fulfilled comes from the people outside of these relationships.
Our relationships fit so nicely tucked into are educational background our economic status.
We rarely blurred those lines.
When I started having this affair with my delivery guy my friends the ones that I could tell astonished so beneath you. I don't think I just don't go there if you need something more intellectual that's not how you were made. I thought these things myself. I thought I'm usually turned on by smart men educated men wealthy men.
And here he was so simple and plain. He reminded me of the flowers in the Sun. The fox is playing in the field. There was no pretension about him. I will miss him so much.
This place has a funny way of telling me things. It's like there's a spiritual air in it. Sometimes the energy in this building is brilliant and happy. After long months of having guests the vibration is about the people that you serve and serving them. In the winter I'm more aware of the presence of the energy in this building.
Before moving here I lived in a plain house how to play job and wasn't as intuitive? I wasn't as aware of a different dimension so to speak. I don't believe in ghosts Kama I don't believe in anything spiritual. But there's no denying this house this thing that I live in.
Once a shame and came in and told me that she could feel the energy in the house. Over the years we've had many people come in that have highly technical instruments to measure the energy in this house. And I thought it was all just a bunch of b*******. Was a marketing thing I can make money off of people who came in and did these kinds of things or people who are wanting to stay in a haunted Lodge.
But the energy in the house right before he came telling me that he was leaving it's hard to describe how it felt. Like everywhere you turned there was a dark unseen pillow. Not threatening or dangerous. Just there.
On the days that he would just passed the lodge the house didn't have that excitement but on this day the energy was just like are you prepared will you be wearing something easy to get out of? He's coming you know he's coming. This is happened in the past many times it was so funny because he would arrive and say did you know where this coming? And how do you tell somebody yes I knew all day that you were coming I could feel your heart I could feel your heart drawn to me. It's funny how I could wake at night and feel him thinking of me. I could wake at night an orgasm caused by him thinking of me. Things I'd never been aware of before .
Three flushing toilets, two full tanks of water, and one Christmas wish.
Facebook post of the day. Only one of you knows what it means.
For the rest...
This is where he sat me on the bar to eat my pussy.
Where the husband signs his checks for the delivery.
He had said it over the years....
"Thinking of retirement, of moving with her, buying a farm next to her family. Beautiful place."
And here it has come to that.
Funny how your heart pushes back what you don't want to hear.
Someone once said that we were attracted to each other because we both had this Darkness and in our relationships.
This is true. A severe lack of intimacy.
One of the deepest things he said before fucking me was "I wouldn't, be doing this if she ....
I hate this.... "
I did too. I wanted so much the closeness, just any sign of intimacy from my husband. Nothing.
So these little snippets of broght enormous joy, xhilaration to the heart of darkness.
I could paint, sing, life was good as long as there was the thought that even a slight possibility of his voice, or the sound of his truck going by might encroach my world.
I awoke this morning at peace. He is something that I will never regret .
The emence guilt, the enveloped us each time. For days afterwards. It can't surpass the the connection I felt. And will forever cherish.
Staying focused on being an ethical slutt and having the support of friends that cheat has been very helpful. Feeling much better today thank you
I am just going to ramble on. I got to watch his eyes turn blue when he touched me. I got too much skin flush red and his knees quake and tremble I cut to feel you melt into my skin.
I don't have Christmas if I do not have dinners I do not have lots of foot rubs or can I help you fix your car. I want to see this movie with you. I didn't have those things.
I had him touch my heart with his very presence.
I see all my typos in my lasts posts. Sorry I am not going to change them now.
Just going through in my mind, what is was, what it wasn't.
How I felt ashamed, and tortured. How I felt sexy, free. Young, connected to another human like nothing I had felt before.
In the cloak of darkness.
Not an I love you ever spoken.
Never a meal together.
No gifts.
A few moments shared.
But grief, eternal.
A Something That Never Was. It only existed in moments an extended periods of time.
8 years existed, had my heart, and so much more. He was my muse imagination and my very breath.
It seemed like 2 weeks I couldn't do yoga in the large dining room. It just felt closed in as though I couldn't breathe. My soul felt like it was dying. I kept telling myself I was okay and everything was fine.
Still kind of hard to believe I keep running it through my mind. When was he going to tell me? Was he going to tell me? He could have left without a word and I wouldn't have known until it happened in 2 months.
Were you waiting for me he asked. No of course I wasn't waiting for him I didn't know he was coming. But yes I always wait to see if they'll come and drop in although many times he doesn't.
It's hard to explain. When you just know something or you don't know something.
But there he stood I just stopped by to say...
In my mind I thought it was happy holidays. Merry Christmas see you next year.
He stood there as though he couldn't speak. And I said Merry Christmas thank you so much for stopping.
He said nothing more. Just me we made love. And as he was about to leave he said he was no longer working for the trucking company anymore.
I stood there dumbfounded it and not knowing what to say.
What does that mean? He said that he had quit he told me before that his wife wanted to retire and move back to be with her family. But that he needed to work in Alaska because he had seniority with the union he would make more money and then in four years he could retire. They have sold their house. He sold his truck. Everything is packed. And they had down to the lower 48 in January.
How do you grieve a secret. How do you grieve Something That Never Was. It was everything
When is truck pulled into the driveway I went down and saw it through the window. I went to the side door and opened it.
All the day long I will do everything I haunted I'll run my fingers through his hair sit up on the bar and have him eat me there. Kisses lips touches skin. I want to touch him deeply like I have never done before.
Out restraint with all of my heart.
I just wanted to stop and wish you a Merry Christmas. He took me in his arms and hug me and kiss me. I'm getting hard he said. And then he stepped away. I wasn't going to do that I wasn't going to hold you. I step back and said touch you.
I told myself I wasn't going to. He saw my tree and walk toward it and touch it and smell it he said they smell so good. Do you have a tree I said. Not a real one she-it is allergic to them.
I'm sorry I said.
I was wearing a skirt with nothing underneath it. And when he held me in his arms I pulled his hands down and left it up so that he could touch me. As we got back from the tree so that he could see me walk with no panties. I looked at him and if this is my Christmas wish I want to eat I want to have you eat me on the bar just as you had always wanted to. Here and lock up his truck and lock the doors he came back in while he was gone I set myself up on the bar and spread my legs and exposed myself and has he walked toward me he could see he could see my pussy waiting for him.
I could see his knees go weak the he came closer.
I lay back on the bar and he leaned down and ate me I could feel myself c** inside of his mouth.
When we both needed more he Lifted Me from the bar and turned me around in front of the fireplace. And entered me from behind.
I could do this every night he said. And help me relaxed like I had never done before released everything add to him. We came long and hard together.
I turned to face him I I took his hair in my hands and held him close as if I would never see him again. If you don't stop wind up in the bedroom. When I said you could stay all night if you like.
We chatted for a little and then he said it's something that I have to tell you.....
But I've always wondered why humans do not have a penis bone.
http://www.nbcnews.com/health/mens-health/new-study-explains-why-men-don-t-have-penis-bones-n696616
Today was the day that he passes. This house this house that speaks without words. Deep heaviness said he was going to stop today. So I pretended in my mind that I could not hear its voice. I got up and did my yoga fed my chickens got the mail Went Out jumped in the hot tub.
I pushed it out of my mind in my heart begged he would come.
I went to my closet and pick out a skirt that I would wear nothing underneath and a top that he would slide up gently it was silk. And I said at least I will be ready if he comes.
It was my Christmas wish. All that I had wanted for several weeks was to fill fill one of his fantasies. And it had become mine over these years.
I was sitting in my room in the sitting room waiting to watch his truck pass when all of a sudden I heard it out in front of my house.
Time to go under the bed where the box of toys are and go through them. I have everything under the sun. And no one to play with. It took a lot of tricking and manipulating of the husband in order to purchase them all otherwise he would be suspicious. My excuse but in life and our marriage and do something fun. But really I was buying them for the delivery guy it's fun to keep it interesting and exciting. But I haven't seen him in 6 weeks. 6 long weeks.
I haven't done anything fun this year it's too cold to ski. No one wants to come up and have sex with me and hang out. There's no one to have sex with. I've gained 20 pounds since my back injury. It's good to have a break from everything but I think I'm kind of edging out of being comatose. 40 below it's been keeping me pretty tied to the house because my car won't start. And nobody wants to come and visit period the husband comes home on Monday and we'll be home forever. So even if something wonderful happens something incredible happens then it's going to have to be a single guy with a house that I can like to stay at because it's not happening.
No it's worse than that. I'm turning into a an Alaskan man.
Take for example my thoughts of recent weeks...
It's really not that important to flush the toilet every time
I can make a crock pot full of food and it will last for days
I can wear those jeans one more time after 5 days
The car isn't starting its minus 40 well the waffle iron gets hot I can put that under there and see if it'll keep the engine.
I need to get out of the house I need to go shopping I need to do girly things this is craziness. I'm happy and healthy and not depressed but I think I need some girl time
In a recent post by a fellow blogger about what if. What if something should happen to me and they go through all of my toys under the bed. Or heaven forbid go through my computer or my cell phone.
When my ex husband passed away in a car accident his lover and I went through his house and remove everything incriminated before his family showed up.
But that was in the good ol Days and then when there was no internet.
I was no longer with my husband but we still remain friends. Just not sexually.
The thought of my cell phone or my computer being ramshackled and both gone through goes through my mind every time I leave the house. Especially if the husband is home. Not that there's a lot to find. Nowadays things are so much more complicated. There has to be a way for one of our friends to go into our homes and totally destroyed all of our Electronics. And take our p*** from the house. What are friends for.
A form of getting back in touch with myself. It seems I have forgotten who I am as a sexual being as a woman.
It seems I have forgotten all of the words that have been said to me by men who have loved me as a sexual being.
You're the sexiest woman I have ever been with. Never come 5 times in a row except with you. I think you and I trip and get hard.
I remember that it's not always someone else who makes the scenarios and credible and Powerful. Being in the hot tub naked when you show up. Taking you in the greenhouse. Slow calculated seduction.
I own my sexuality I sexual wonderful being. A powerfully sexually wonderful being.
I wonder about everything that's going on with women today. We should know who we are sexually and in the workplace. We should never give up who we are as females. We can still do a job and still be female.
It seems as though there is a image of power that only men have in the workplace. We have always had our own power in the home and in our realm as females.
I think that if transgendered gay lesbian? People can have equal rights to express themselves still be able to go to work and be who they are and not lose their jobs it is time for women to do the same. We can go out there and we can be women and the powerful and be proud of who we are as females. And not be ashamed of who we are as females and our sexuality. It is time for us to unite and be free.
But back to masturbation. A part of me that I do not indulge in often enough.
That was the last thing he said. We have not had any contact at all in 5 weeks. It's been a very lonely winter. And now it's the holidays. Lots of posts in baking cookies with his wife on Facebook. A family that loves him. I'm not jealous and I realize that the only relationship that we have is that he delivers here and occasionally we had sex. I'm just ready for something that I've had in the past. Where I talk to the person a lot or they text me or email me. And they come up and we sure the fireplace and it's casual and warm and we still have contact even though we're not seeing each other that way anymore. It's like I took a step aside from having complex relationships to having something that is totally outside of who I am as a person and what I want. But yet it's a dark look into What's missing and the Darkness of my situation where I live and who I married to. And there he was. Maybe his life is it somehow as dark as mine and we match it away. It's like I can't walk away. Even he said it you're the only one that does it for me. I don't understand. You're not the kind of person that I want but yet you're the only one. Maybe by just saying all of these things out loud to someone. I'm a block is the only place that I can say anything. You're all my friends in this secret world that I live in.
