Practice, practice, practice....

I have been goofing off a little too much, and am very  far behind considering that this is Tec week. Spending the next few days cramming to memorize Italian.

Assumptions.......

My Facebook page post was "where to eat in this town?" His response" I will buy you dinner come by the pub were I will be playing, or better yet call me in the morning, I  will message my phone number, lets do breakfast" wow.....really ....a man I had had crush on for almost----.years.

He is handsome, well educated, and very wealthy. I was so nervous, but messaged back a thank you, and I will call in the morning.

We met the next day at a sweet little place. I knew full well it was a kindness to a friend from out of town.  I was a few minutes early not used to the traffic I over compensated.
He greeted me "I am a little late, but who gives a fuck really!
we both laughed.I hate it when people assume that I am just one person , one-dimensional, I laughed, but really he only knew one part of me.

we were seated at a lovely table by the window.
our conversation started by his telling me his trip to a friend's daughters farm. He asked about the my place and what it was like this time of year.

I said this is the dust season, all of summer's activity must be cleaned away for winter. That the place has an identity of it's own. I just live there.
He asked what I do with my time.
I told him I sing, paint and write. And that I was in town for opera.

It turned out we knew people in common.
Also that we shared a common bond. That of enjoying the process of creating. Not the product. It is ever changing, alive, a mystery. "It comes from deep within the soul" he said and then with almost a tear in his eye.."I have never said that to anyone"
It was a great time. He shared how people often see him as one thing and rarely explore him. He laughed "and to to think the first time I saw you in that apron, I thought, she must sing opera!"

Assumptions.....I love going deeper, it is almost better than sex.

Let's hope I can share this, after all what good is a giant dick picture if you can't share....

http://gawker.com/christian-science-church-looks-like-a-giant-dick-from-s-1454084292

Aurora forecast

Maybe tonight.....


http://www.gi.alaska.edu/AuroraForecast

city moose

Good morning

i need to finish my FFF latter

I have had a very bad head acke and have not had great sex to inspire me. I will read all of yours, hopefully i will be a spark.

FFF I aaaaaaammmmmm Baaaaaaccccck!

FFF Oct 25 - Halloween Haunts

Halloween Theme - Be careful what you wish forRequired Words - "Invitation" AND "nightfall"Word Limit - 2 stories of 333 words eachForbidden words - Vampire, SuccubusBonus Points - Put something real about yourself in the story, but you don't have to tell us what it is.Extra Words - Share your story with 2 friends who don't know you write like this. You get 100 extra words for this one.

So the call came one afternoon "honey what you think of us buying this lodge" Well I could have said a lot of things but thinking it would never happen and not wanting to be a bitch I said yes. After all what harm could it do.

About a week latter we were signing papers for this "beautiful historic treasure". Not long after we we were cleaning, fixing, and basically getting stenchys smell out of it.

"I think I fucked your husband ....but I can't remember" she said as she sipped her drink. It was our grand opening. The whole community in Rual Alaska was invited. A why to get to know our neighbors.

"We welcome you, but, will never come here, this place is evil." They were from the church.

The food was great. I spared no expense. We hired a Celtic band who local.

"Do you smell that " she said " it is mother dugan's pipe. He still haunts this place, as dose Bonnie." "Bonnie?" I said. I had no belief in ghosts or other such foolishness. She walked away rolling her eyes.

We had our regular guests. We were the watering hole for some, for other just the coffee clatch before work.
He came in every week day. We talked about his family, his new car, his last hunting trip. Are the fish biting in the river yet, it all added up. We never really touched, but the comfort of his presents gave me strength for my long days.
It was a cold icy nightfall. I keep a room at the ready for people that might need it. His car pulled in. The drop in temperature to -46 is hard on vehicles. I invited him to  warm  by the fire. We both decided on a warmed brandy. It was dark and       cozy
In the weeks to come the house grew dark, a feeling i could not shake with sage, lavender, salt. The phone rang the voice on the other side was soft and shaky. " He died, the last person he was attempting to call was you

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Happy Friday

Have you ever really loved someone....

Just asked the husband. After all I was used to take care of his kid. Then to run his business while he drinks. Just feeling used and pissed off today.

Home again home again jiggiddy jog...

The liquor guy smiled sweetly when I told him that I would start to be home now. I so know he knows about the truck driver and I. And...somehow approves.

"Was that you going into the....

Why yes it was ....what were you doing there, I answer the text from skier. "Oh just dropping off some gals that are here to work at my office ".

Me ...visiting some friends. I was at the penthouse with owl.

It is so uncanny how he knows I am in town.

"So where are you now?"

Husband is at the hospital, I am sitting here  hoping he develops a blood clot since he made it through the surgery.

"Wow! Remind me never to get you angry, can we meet for coffee while you are in town?"

Yes I say, but our schedules end up not meshing.

After partly

Yummy Indian food

Rat in a maze....

That is what it is like talking to husband. But the maze changes with every turn. It makes my chest tight and is so stressful I can't breathe. The story changes so many times you have to restate his or your point to stay on track. He will not answer his phone and say I never call. The list of his crazy is so  Long. My friends make sure he is not here before they visit.

good morning

60° today....turn on the air conditioning!!!!!

Spent the day restraining my colorfull charter

As I sat at the table in the ornately decorated home of a board members. discussing the next gala, I tried heartily to remember all the things I learned in finishing school. Her mother sat across the table. The words spoken were carefully chosen, always positive , intelligent, and polite. The was fanomal, the inset set fireplace was    painted by a New York impressionist. from the floor up to the top of the high ceiling. Everything had meaning. The floors were man made pebbles, with the edges inlaid with stones from the bay where her father's ashes were spread. An occasional stone from memory's of places they had been. It was not at all stuffy. The custom made counters had shavings of wine bottles in it to match the Viking appliances.

But all very controlled.

It made me think of the owl and his sparse pent house apartment. The conversations we had of "serving" dinner parties with the family, the wife. How one must be. Explaining his and others like him their escape to women like me who fuck them senseless, in a dirty sort of way. Where we talk from our hearts, and even if it maybe temporary, it is real.

Ahhh the mo jo is back

Met with the owl at the penthouse. Opening the  door naked  full of self confidence, something I lacked. He very tactfully commented on it, " when you walk through my door please show some grace , sexual strength. Then as if knowing something had been dreadfully wrong he held me. After we had played for a while he asked me of my summer. With him it was so easy to talk "no bull shit. " So I missed most of the drama" I chuckled" yes" Needing not to explain more he held me. We talked about the up coming concert. I told him I was surprised by the call and that I had not been able to sing this summer because of my back injury. "A sprain "he said. No a ruptured disk his eyes grew with deep concern. He knew the severity of my pain and fear. "I turned down the chopper medivac and drove in" I said" I explained how singing involves more than a voice, the muscles from head to toe work together, "the instrument"

  We played for a long while. In the middle he took my hand, looking at me he said "like this" he entwined my fingers in his and his body followed.  I had to leave before the bubble bath. I received the call about the wine. 

Portfolio of gifted wine

Was with the owl when my phone rang. "I have the wines from Michael David he was so.thankful". 

I had made it it possible for him to get the wine he needed, or wanted for his yacht this summer and as a thank you he sent me a portfolio of his best from the vinard. As my "wine guy" explained each one, the growth of of the fruit, and all aspects of the the wine, "this one is broad" knowing the types of wine I prefer he was so delighted to be sharing these with me.   

He could see how how I was just not there. Knowing what summer had been like. The husband was bitterly cruel. It took a tole on my spirit that once had an enjoyment of all things and their detail. 

He and his wife invited me over to see the reinvention of his house. I remark that this time I would take them up on the offer, " Dr's orders I need to escape and have more fun" He shook his head yes, a much needed thing. 

I chickened out

I can't believe it. I dropped the husband at the hospital for his surgery, and was supposed to go to his penthouse apartment. I would be full of his cum for when the husband was recovering, smelling "freshly fucked" as owl put it.
I am always up for such things, but today I was feeling old and achy. So I had a message.

See you in the morning

Be wet and ready.

I have an appointment...

With the owl, 9am.

Did this today

Good morning

Hope you all are having a great day

Everything is ok

The person I was worried about ....all is fine. Had to ask one of his coworkers. So life will be back to normal in three to four weeks. Yea!!!!

Moose in river

FFF early again because of time constraints

Word Length  = 237Required Word = ResignationBonus Words = Tell us about her earrings (25 words)Extra Credit = Surprise me

She was on her way to the elevator and he held it for her. He had seen her before , in court maybe. The Law Firm was large. She knew him. Had watched him from the bench. He had a way about him, something that said he was more than the day to day suit.

As she entered she said "been a long day" He immodestly smiled and gave his song answer. They both knew the play. It started a conversation that ended them in the martini bar across the street.

He seemed much more shy than his work a day self. He offered her another drink,  she would take him home in a heart beat without any assistance from a drink, was resigned to the offer and let him think he needed to loosen her up.

She waited as he made his moves enjoying all of it, being courted........to her bed.....his?

The bar soon cleared as the night went on. 

He moved closer to her, slipping his hand up her skirt, he found she had nothing on. She smiled back at him and winked. he forced his fingers into her under the table. acquiesced to a quieter place, a cozy Conner. bending her over the chaise he entered her. watching for anyone who might come in. she felt so out of control of her body, resigned to him, and his command of her. 

When he was done he walked her to her car. 

The next morning he texted her....

Good morning your honor,  what will you be wearing under that robe today?

She texted him her answer:

The warm smell of your cum in me........ and nothing Else....

The leafs on her ear rings say it all to him, he was the leaf that floated by her waiting heart, lonely heart that cold crisp spring day.

I have stopped to glance in the quiet waters of the stream as a sun beam sparkled in the waters edge catching my eye, then I notice the leaf floating, a leaf, not much different from all other leaves, on any given day, just a leaf, but here in the quiet of the forest there is time to be, to take it in, all that the leaf truly is, in and of itself, not having to be anything more, than it's lovely green, the sparkle of water on it's flesh, it's sweet smell. .........good morning Leaf

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good morning

A brisk , blustery day here. As winter sets in there seems to be a confused state that hits us Alaskans. Finishing up preparations for the long cold winter has it toll. What !!!! No steady lover for the winter???? How shall I make due?

Fly fishing.....

He had been coming to the lodge for over 7 years now. I would get an email from him asking for the reservation. He and a friend stayed in the back in tents , I never really saw them.  They would fly fish, eat crazy man food, smoke cigars , and drink crown. A guy kind of thing.

Till that one summer, five years ago. It was late August, warm sunny. His friends decided to come in for some drinks. They were so fun, like boys. Bantering, joking, reminding me of how long they had been friends.

Some people you just enjoy being around.

Year after year he came, I would get a very nice hug. A gift and a card from his wife. Who wrote of how much he loved it here. And thanking me.

It was always a magical place when they were here. Other friends of mine would show up, and we ended up knowing so many folks in common.

They talked about their families. How much they loved their wives. He mostly talked if God. His faith.

He would write to say happy holidays. A few emails, hows the family.

He was the reson I fly fish. I loved the way he describe it. I had a need to know it better, I felt closer to him in some way.

This year I had not been fishing yet due to an injury.

He decided to take me back to his camp site.

I suited up. He made sure I had a net to keep the bugs off me. I liked the way he was so attentive.

He took my hand as we crossed the river, making sure I was ok. Perched me in a great spot. On my second cast I pulled in a nice one.

When he saw I was getting tired he came took my hand and crossed.

As we walked back he asked me questions, "would you keep cigars here for me.?",  of course I said

Latter I fixed dinner for us. He said" come sit by the fire with us. You need to do this more"

The fire was by the creek. The conversation as  as always, family. He said something about her, I said for some reason, maybe the wine, family first, or she is first .

He stood up, reached for my hand.
I looked up, have you grown weary of my company, he shook his head. As we walked to the lodge we held hands, talked about things I will never remember. It just felt good.

As we entered my home he took my hands, brought them together in front of me, pulling me into him. He kissed me, biting my lip, so soft. I kissed back.

He guided me to a chair, as I straddled him I said breathlessly " I have waited so long..........for you. He was un doing my buttons on my pants.....he sigh deeply, trembled and tossed me to the floor, as i fell I felt a gush. Our clothing came off so easily, from there it was like a lovely dance. We kissed each part as if we had known each other forever. Such sweet release. We paused sitting lotus in front of each other staring in his eyes I felt how strongly he had wanted me. He whispered ......I love you. We embraced.

It was one of those experiences where time cannot be measured. It was more than 6 hours.

He took my hand and gently led me to bed . We fell softly to sleep. The next morning we made coffee, said our good byes , and he was gone.

Rainy , windy day

Stuck inside. So busy, too busy for diversions, hee hee. I need to write about the summer and campfires, midnight sun love making.

Just fucking beautiful

What more can I say :-)

Good Morning......

Life goes on, no news. Another day to secretly be a support. Even if he doesn't even know I care and am thinking of him, somehow in the unconscious connection we have I am there, in the spirit I am a pat of all those who give him strength. To those who know our story, how in the lonely place of our lives we have moments, then go and pretend again. This little thing that gets us through.

I need to stop this shit

Really.....what the fuck. I need something real. So tired of "it is what it is"shit. Mother fuck!!!! Are there any grown-up s out there.

I remember the first time he walked into my studio.....

I love banter with him, it just feels close, connected. He walked right over to my paints his hand stoked the tube so meaningfully, It caught my eye, but oddly I was enjoying him there. When other wise no one was aloud in here. He touched the tube like he was touching me, so sensuous.
We had just had sex, in the other room. Downward facing doggie, LOL, it is always funny to me how you get into positions that afterward boggle my mind how we got there. so smoothly, so tantric, without thinking.

This time without him, not knowing what is going on causing my mind to drift to a time when I was loved, had a family that loved me back. This hell I live in........

I miss him terribly

But life happened. No news, I will not check his Facebook page, this could be very bad
It's hard when you are just a fuck bubby there is no way to help , no holding . Just must be quiet

Travel to town for a meeting

Good morning

Fall is upon us

The tourist have gone home, hikers and climbers as well. The mountain view is ours alone. Soon the snow will be here. Time to hunker down for the winter