happy new year

Being stood up

I have been stood up so many times my husband thinks I love him......

Really.

He has gotten 4 steak and lobster dinners.  Hot rub downs with specially prepared oils ....in a hot sauna with an enormas natural sea sponge.

The husband has gotten the pleasure of numerously sex toys, new positions I was promised By others.

And..... imported corsets, silk stockings, and some of the best best wines

I love the planning of a good fuck. The fire in the fire place,  a massage. Texting it up.

Sweet fucking throughout the night, and breakfast in the morning.

My winter is being wasted by missed connections, cock blocking by Chrismas, and wives and children. Oh and shity weather.

the roads have been icy

the trails have very little snow.we can't groom the trails and no one can come up the highway due to the roaddue to the road conditions. It It's nice to have a quiet and the alone time. But it would be nice just for one guest to come up to the lodge and hang out in the hot tub or in the sauna.I have a meal with to sit in front of the fireplace. Take a ski.
Soulstice is
the new moon so the lights over Mount McKinley would be spectacular.
out of frustration and horniness I texted the skier.

me: Hey

Skier: hey you how is the snow

Me: ok not muc  but skiable.

Skier: I need it

Me: me too

skier: hm mmm...

are you at home.

Me: yes
I need to get in the shower soon,
want to make me wet before I jump in?
Can you call?

Skier: no privacy but I want to

Me: I will think of your cock in me while I touch myself...

I will think of you wanting me...

My taste ...on your lips...kissing m=-e

Lol am I being too much of a tease?

Skier: Oooooooo keep going
I should drive out today to check the snow....lol

Me: you should
Let me know if you can, I will fire up the sauna

Skier: I should of thought of this earlier......dam lol
 Me : lol, I had better stop playing and get my shower then

Mmmmmmm one more

Skier: let me call and listen...i can't talk much

Me : ok

He called, we came togather, I came more

He wispered "I so want to come there.......


Such is life in a remote place. sigh... text rape.

I could use a martini

They take the sting away from missing something I made up in my head as being real. I am not for sure what it is, but I have this i need to move in a different direction. I have so much work to do it is over whelming
Then I add to it by asking to serve on another board.
All I want to do really is sit here in front of my window and paint the mountain.... be the next Sidney Laurence.

I just don't know what's next, and I want something more. More than the " I want you, I need you, to be deep in you, to eat you for a long time" then just drive by with no text, no sorry I don't have time today, and not hear from him for months.
Until "will you be home today" Can I stop by?"  THen he doesn't.

A steady lover with no ties, respect, open sharing, good sex, and a better marriage because I don't want the trauma of a break up

You work so hard and if it falls apart you both loose fanatically and you have to start from scratch.
Best to come to some agreement.
Meet someone in the same boat, be happy.

Not something I normally do......

It had been so long. Months in fact. I have been home for a month. Second guessing choices. Should I have had the truck driver over while I was in town? Gotten fucked in the morning, then in the afternoon to do it all over the next day. It was not like he was coming to visit, tell me how his day went, what life is like with his other fuck buddies.

I admit it, I want ore, and I am realizing that he is not capable of the things I need or the person who can make a more complex relationship, with more to offer both mentally and physically.

I have to admit I am more. Not that he is less. It's just that he sees me as nothing more than a fuck along the highway........

back on line....

Nothing good to report. didn't win but had a great time trying. But not so much in the sex department.

The opera went well, evrything is done so now is the time to paint and hang out.

A winter without a lover ....... could be the case. The truck driver is a maybe for 15 minuites , maybe not ...I never really know and it is getting old.

Had a long conversation with a sex friend. I like that we share and don't have to have sex . The topic is that there is no happy medium and when it gets good, it's gone.

Or if it comes even a smidgin close to the ideal.

But at least I get to say......."this is what I need"

Then there is the age thing. LOL

I want to win.

the smell of antiques from the forbidden city

The texts from the drilivery guy have ended ....for now. He has never wanted me outside of the storage room. This is the very first time he wants me here in the city. So very odd.
then when I have time he revealed he was having surgery.  He would be down for a while. I have no idea what BBC for and don't feel the need to ask.
To be honest I am just liking hanging around this apartment alone, with an occasional departure to eat with friends , shop or rehearsals.
Not reallly like me. I like to fit a little fucking in anywhere I can.

I was even given permission to wear the silk Japanese kimono,  that would be a nice twist for us.

But I am not interested.

Also the skier has been very interested.  But he just doesn't do it for me.

I really think it is me. I have been spending too mhch time looking at myself and thinking "who is that old lady"?
 I know photos don't do me justice,  never have. And that my sex comes from a place far greater than my looks.

It could be that I am immersed in thks moment of having a few other things on my agenda that stimulate me in the same way sex does, maybe not the wetness,  the longing,  release.  But something similar.

This coming Tuesday is the big day. I win or loose.  But it has always been in the running,  the debates, the challenge of doing it well, and different.  I think I have succeeded.
the opera concludes next Sunday,  then it's home to paint for an up coming show, also the winter guests.
so taking time to just sit among the antiques from the forbidden city in my friends apartment.

just a quick note

All is well. Very busy. Sadly too busy for all the sex I have been offered.
The truck driver has be texting like crazy. Very sexy. Longing texts. Drive you crazy stuff.
Guys wanting to drive the whole way up the parks hwy for me.

This running for office thing is better than AM.

Two big debates next week

He is back from vacation.  At the oil and gas brunch he winked at me twice. He was friendly afterwards asking about the weather and to be safe.

Monday we have our big debate on TV. And Friday just a chamber forum.

Deliverys move to every other week. The sales man reminded me in a sad tone. He knows and I feel he wants me to be with his driver.

I miss him. 

Phone sex, sexy text from delivery guy and a good radio interview

A good day I'd say.
Phone sex was with a guy met on POF a few years ago. It was one of those just want to meet someone to ski with things. He was trolling. Looking for a sugar baby. He got me.

Delivery guy fell for a Facebook trick and I texted him. He asked if I was free thursday. I am not.  I told him I missed his sweet taste. He texted back...." I get hard just thinking of my cock going in your pussy."
He has to get back to town early. Has a delivery in town. Probably will see the getto carrs clerk.  Ugh I am jealous.

Christian radio interview. ..I think I nailed it.

Fear and loathing on the campaign trail

I love debating those tea party candidates. 
I can't say gay or refer to vaginas enough.

My god this house is cold

Staying at my friends place. She uses no heat because it is too expensive.  59° in here.  I am thinking of getting her a solar panel and a space heater.

What are friends for anyway?

That went well

My first candidate forum.  I didn't use the f word, bring up my vagina, or refer to that lack of support for increasing the minimum wage is like using others as n word slaves and holding them in abject poverty.
All in all a good time. I got applause and cheers. Also I was told that I could win this thing. ....then what?

Making a decision to move foward

The trees are letting go of their leaves to make way for new growth.  They have lived out their  usefulness.  It is time to reduce and go inward toward pure essence.

If I think clearly about my thing with the delivery guy it is time to move on.  I need more than just a fuck and a lie.

It was good for what it needed to be at the time.

There are no conversations , no texts, we have never spent a night together or shared a meal.
In my mind I make it more than what it is.

If I let it go. ...something bether  will come along.

Wishing something good will take it's place.

It's a lonely and horney night

I had a visit from the truck driver today. Not a visit really I had a delivery.  we chatted for a little while.  I acted as though I didn't miss him.
We usually flirt more . I asked why he was so late I thought he was coming tomorrow. He said he was talking to the other Lodge on her about hunting. And that one of his deliveries was a lodge that was closing for the summer and all of the alcohol had to be removed and loaded onto the truck.

He said that he could stay the night next week. But my schedule wouldn't allow for that. So he asked if I could meet in that hotel. I said that was a great idea. And that if there were any changes you would have to let me know. He said there wouldn't be any changes. It would be the first time that we ever spent the night together.
I sighed. It has been so long for me. He shook his head and said yes for me too except for last week. He went on to say that he was standing in for another driver and the clerk at the liquor store in Anchorage what to do f*** him in the cooler. But he kind of backpedaled on the story and said that he wouldn't have sex with her even though she was very attractive. We've then talked about all the places in the lodge that we had sex. The high tunnel, the kitchen, the banquet room, the list goes on. We talked about what we do and if we should bring toys. He said he might be bring his friend for a threesome. But we both agreed that it would be fine just for us two.
He said he was getting hard but this a long day and he hadn't had a shower this morning but so that he was too dirty. That is never happened before we always fuck.
As he walked behind the bar he said I can't leave without touching you. He held me softly and kiss me. His eyes flashed blue his cheeks pinkened.
"Are you ok" he said. I just feel so dizzy.

If you read his Facebook page you would see a really happy family man with friends who love him. But every conversation that we have Is about some of the women that he has been with. it is almost as if he is a single person.
I can't explain what it is that I feel when I'm around him. Makes no sense in my head. My body trembles I get dizzy my fusion fuzzy. It is though the ground shakes beneath my feet.
The type of insanity I'm sure.
What is the heart of darkness, this place stumbled upon and the weakest depth of my lonely heart.

Fear and loathing on the campaign trail

One of the perks of running in being able to connect with like minded people.  Well to some extent anyway.

I just don't like fiddle fucking around on some issues.  Unfortunately I call a spade a spade.

Like for instance. ....

"As you may know our country was founded on Christian believes by Christian men"

Well no not exactly true. How do you know that young man?

"Because their letters have a blessing at the end"

Well what about the letter Ben Franklin wrote to his friend regarding older women?  I only recall it saying older women are grateful,  discrete,  and all cats are gray in the dark. I sure as hell didn't see " may god bless you and God speed on getting some pussy soon."

Ok so maybe I should not talk to future constituents this way.  But what the hell we need some open honest dialog.

The food and drink has been over the top great.

I won't mention names but a fundraiser brunch with bloody Marys and mimosa!

Also the strategic brunches ....yum catered.

At the last one I spilled the beans on being a former fuck buddy of my opponent.

Wait for it.....

We may have a meet and great at his mom's house.  She hates him.

I think I will love this. Singing in Butterfly

Sorry for not writing

End of the year chores. Campaign duties await...I won my primary! Ending up with 7votes from a district where 30% voted out 12000. With the vote split between 3people. signs are going down on the highway leaving very few of my competitors.  It's looking promising.
Plus one of our US Senator's mom droped in and gave me a hefty check and a congratulations.  She said it I was brave for running and in a district so conservative. 

It's fun to do the interviews with groups wanting to endorse me. I answer all questions with candor.  And yes I throw in an f bomb here and there.

Like "women's vaginas should not be politicized. ...we should fuck who we want when we want"

Just slipped it in so to speak.

"How will I handle the conservative women in Juneau. ..and men.

"When I walk into the room you will be able to hear  scrotal sacks shivering as testicles retreat to their abdomen. "

No, I said something about finding common ground to work toward  bi partisan solutions.

The husband is home for two weeks ....so no sex. Real sex anyway.
I decided to give in to some duty sex. I wanted to puke.

And smell afterward lasts for days. Why doesn't this happen with others. Condoms perhaps.  But je has to be the most stinky fuck I have ever had.
The daily insults don't help my libido.  I decided to say after each ine " there goes my erection"

I lost 22 lbs

Just had to tell someone. It is great. A few more lbs. to go before I can fit in my close again. 

I think . ..lol....the truck driver has someone else.

New moves are showing up in the bedroom. 
But I have known for sometime he has others. He just thinks I don't know.

He threw my leg over my head....thank goodness I do yoga. That could have been disastrous.  It still hurts a little.

just a quick question........

So we are going at it hot and heavey, he leaves to go down there, and a pause.....

"Did you shower today?"

What the hell?

Of course I did, I even wash before he drive up, I brush my teeth.  Everything is good.......

Or so I thought.

We have not had sex in a month and a half. Maybe there was a bad experienced  between then and now that was not me.

Or I am an old leaky lady could there have been some miss hap?

Could a dingle berry rolled from it's patch?

Well what ever, I do taste good if i say so myself. On or off his cock.

Any Guy's have an opinion?

Hmmmm that explains it.....

Delivery day.

"Its a bit nippy out" he says.
I sign the check and take the receipt.
"Yep it's getting there...fall, I don't like seeing come so soon."
"It's good, I go hunting next week, and "he" comes home the 2nd...right."

Yes he does....

Wait, is that why you spend so much time talking to the husband? You spend more time talking to him than we do fucking!

We laugh.

"Yes just trying see when he is home so I can set up the threesum"

We go to the cubbie behind the bar, I love licking and kissing his cock, till he moans and quivers, and begs to be in me.

We try fucking standing doggy but the floors slant so I am more shorter than he.
We take off for my bed room.....the marrage bed, And strip. It was a good long fuck, with intermitant cock sucking and pussy licking. I am getting used to how my legs shake and how good it feels.

It was deep cums, all over me.

I love how his body releases to me, his skin reaches out to become me, and him connected. Nothing more, no words, are needed. No promises to keep, no commitments to make, no plans......just real.

We talk a little after. He is sweet so here and now, not like most people.

I just love him. We never have to say it the words. It is what it is in the gise of fucking randomly.  and after all these years ....it is good.

I thank him in a breath from all parts of my soul as if it speaks without my efforts.

He blushes....

Some nifty information from an Alaska view point. ..since I am way too busy to blog right now.

http://www.adn.com/article/20140820/wayne-and-wanda-dating-advice-internet

Thinking about him.

He comes Friday morning.

I am watching the results come in

Wow! I am doing great!

I voted and I think everyone there was surprised to see my name on the ballot.

I voted. 

Soon...

"You here"

I saw the truck pull up ..I was on the phone attending a meeting.  I walked out to greet him. He asked where the beer needed to go. I went to get him the key. He said looked so sad as if he had cheated on me. Maybe something is very wronge at home? I will never know. His Facebook indicates all is well and family will travel to visit soon.
The husband rushes in takes the key then walks him to the storage.  They have a very long conversation.  Hunting mostly.  And fishing. I am distracted from my meeting to watch their lips from the big dining room.  He seems so sad. Then the check is signed he walks out. I watch as he is parked outside my office window. He signed his log, jumps out his truck and talks more to the husband about the smoker.
It seems like he spent more time than we ever do fucking.

A pedometer for your penis

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5658413

Caught a nice silver this weekend. Not big 7.3 pounds. But I did get one. 500 women in the Derby and 200 fish caught.

Most cheaters. ....

http://www.alabamas13.com/story/26201311/discreet-dating-site-ashleymadisoncom-releases-top-10-cheating-neighborhoods-in-birmingham-area

Funny my gourds never look like this

Had a very creepy thing happen today

I was in the hot tub and a truck with a boat pulled up to the gas pump. I got out and adked if he needed gas. He said he had been in here 3 years ago. Then he said he wanted to get in then hot tub naked with me. I said no. He was weird and aggressive.  I told him to leave because I need to open for the day. Fortunately my guests stayed in because they could tell something was not right. I escorted him to the front door and locked it behind him. I went into the back locked my door went to the bathroom to get dressed and locked that door.  He came in a side door and was pounding to get in. One of my guests husbands came in as I was yelling from the back for him to leave. He left and I came out with my gun.

I may have to shut down this page for a while.  As I can't think of how this guy got the impression that I was easy.

Ashley maddison?  But I didn't use my real name there and it has been a while.  Just too creepy.

Be safe people.

Crazy wedding is over

What a fiasco. 

Orange cardamom bread french toast

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/07/26/george-bernard-shaw-on-marriage/

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/07/26/george-bernard-shaw-on-marriage/

The crazy family wedding has officially started

Alice in Wonderland - White Rabbit (Jefferson Air…: http://youtu.be/N6qViCTMJFU

Fifty shades of gray....

http://filmmakermagazine.com/86865-watch-the-50-shades-of-grey-trailer/

Bridezilla will be here soon.

Alive just busy

As the truck pulled into the driveway.....

Two guests wondered in the door. "Can I help you?" I asked.
"Yes we would like food".

"Sorry I am not serveying today." I said in a somewhat haried voice. I could see him jump from the truck and prepare to bring in the champane I ordered for the wedding.

He was cool, very professional. "I can't stay, I have to get back And I am late due to road construction" It was true. it was late and there were stae trucks in my driveway as the road out front was being repaired.

"Try every time not to, but for some reason I can't resist it...you"   But I was not flirtly, not even close, I am causual and mindfull of his feelings, his being.

I write the check after he puts the liquor in the cooler. Our conversation is sparse.

"I am hard....i don't know why I can't resist" he kisses me, I lick and nibble his ear. He checks to see if anyone is around throught the windows. " I I want so much more, to take you ing bedroom and spend the time I need to...with vibrators....."  I take my hands down his back to his ass...."yes so much more I say"

I feel the cum running down my legs in squirts.

I call out " I am so wet, it is running down my legs"
He dry humps me as me reminds himself he has to leave.

We go to the large room he pulls his cock out and I drop to my knees, licking and deep throating him. I stroke his ass through his jeans and he pulls them down, so I can play more.

He says" I need to be in your other hole"

We go back in the cubbie. He makes sure I am wet enough to accept him in.
He thrusts and we both cry out our moans of deep pleasure.

We both came very hard. I sigh"thank you"

After there is little time for chatter. But we banter as lovers do.

But we are just caught in this moment. Who knows why we need each other so, and yet it is nothing in the real scheme of things.

But it is everything.

I need to go fishing

So tired

The husband left for work today.  So much house work. But it will be clean for three weeks.

I just want to say "I love you"

Sometimes. At night or even in the day as he drifts into my thoughts it is like soul speaks aloud...... I love you.  It is beyond my control. 

My head knows what the reality is.

I am an old woman.  I have nothing to give him in the real world.
He says it all tty he time " what is it that makes me want you so I never can resist".

He called to let us know and ask if 7 was too early for a delivery.

It has always been good for me lately.  I joked. He laughed. 

Yes that is fine I am up anyway.
He said he was so tired and couldn't drive any more today

I in my mind was hoping he just called to hear my voice. 

I know it was good to hear his. His laugh.

Just wow

http://www.artparasites.com/opinion/sexting-tips-pablo-neruda-1440

Maybe this us the problem. ..too much work

Not feeling sexy these days

Horny as hell but not feeling like I can get a man to turn his head.
Must do something about this.

Fantasy a must needed and misunderstood element

"If uou don't hold still that door will open and five big guys are goingvto come in and rape you! "
It was just something in his head he like the  fantasy of gang bangs and multiple men fucking as he watched. 

It kept him hard for hours.

He called a few months ago to give me updates on his trip outside. Then talked about his other. "She got freaked out, she didn't get it, its just a fantasy"

As the truck driver messaged my shoulders as I wrote the check I could feel him getting hard. "I will take you frim behind .....

Then I took him in my mouth. ...

Fantasy starts and finishes the best sex.

I miss being pampered

When I entered the door he greeted me with a deep kiss. Then removed my shoes.  As we climbed the stairs "the bath is drawn, what wine would you like?".
Then it was off to the tub for two. He was good to be naked with.  Conversation was intellectual mixed with sexual.
He was very experienced.  A bi sexual. The energy shifted making his company thrilling and intriguing.

Play ....ropes, paddles, a cat of nine tails. The safe word.

I miss that. Maybe not so much the drama.

The "reality" tv crew shit on me

I was stiffed for 8 nights lodging all cabins and meals. Come to find out they are famous for not paying bills and ripping people off.

But it is a beautiful day here.  Hope you all are having fun.

New windows. The blue forget me nots I had placed for the truck driver.

The truck pulled in a "Iam not getting a blow job fashon"

My heart sank as the truck driver pulled in. It was the park of ergency, I have to go. He looked apologetic as he started to unload quickly. I signed the check. He said" I can't stay, "
I told him I knew, because it was the holiday, and The sales guy told me.

He came round me from behind the bar stool, rubbing my shoulders he said "this is how I am going to fuck you from behind". I would rather you hold my tits.

He said I better go. Then he looked out the open doors and windows, unzipped. His beautiful cock rolled out. I bent down and took him in my mouth.
"I am so rock hard!"
He said "be hind the bar".  I pull my pants to my knees and he slipped in. Both of us eyeing the doors that where wide open.

I bent over the beer cooler. "I love funking your pussy"

"Why can't I ever just leave here without having you?

We zipped up, and said our good byes...."thank you" my customary farewell.

"You just do something to me.......every time I am here I can't walk away"

I wish I knew what that was, I would never make it leave.

Everyone is rushing about

Trying to get away from it all for the holiday. 
The truck driver will be trying to get back so he can spend time with family and friends. 

It's a lonely time for me here.

The truck driver said last week he and a friend would come by for a threesum. All this way for 1 hour. That's crazy. And I will be busy with guests and have no energy or time.

Very weird. 

But I guess he tries to make our fantasy work.

The history channel

I have all my rooms booked for a production crew. They are doing a shoot up the road. Very remote rugged kind of thing.
The producer checked out tge rooms. They are not as posh as needed for this group.

That are filming a outdoor rugged man kind of show.

I needed this today

Midnight sun

My fantasy

I want to put a nan in my sauna and suds him head to toe with a natural sponge and warm water.
Rinse him cold,  and do it all over again.

Then massage him with sandal wood oil. Till he tingles.

Then suck him till he explodes in my mouth. 

Rosemary lavender soap

I think I make him crazy too

My distributor was here today.  " oh by the way you have a credit,  the driver left some of your stuff in the truck and didn't notice till Denali. "

The driver would never do this. He is good at what he does. 

I was a distraction.  I make him want me.

This week will be tough.  The holiday will make them need to be back early.

Good morning

Good morning

Is this too weird a thing to say?

Amazing sex this morning.  Leaving your cum in me so I can feel and be teased by you all day.

It was great

Still shaking.  I would like to thank all my mentors and advisors. ... Same sassy girl. Advisor to all Tom. Sorry if I am missing anyone.  You have all contributed to the fantastic blow job I gave this morning. 

Up early

Shower, get 35 lb roast in oven, start cleaning because last nights guests would not leave and the house is a mess. At least all the rooms have been made and cleaned up. Laundry is done.

So then I slip into my silk flimsy blouse....... and wait.

I hope he comes early. So we have time. Like 15 minutes.

Summer is the hardest due to the influx of guests.

The green house is slow this year because it has been cold. The tall sun flowers and corn of last year ..... we could slip in between the rows.

"Watcha doing...

It's me. I am coming in the morning to take care of you."

Who is this?

It was the truck driver. He bad never called on the phone before. His voice was charming and sweet. I had never know that.

Maybe my long trip to Valdez was impressive.  Maybe the licking and teasing of his ass was enough to make him need more of me.

I think there is also something about not texting not Facebook liking. The freedom to know I am here.  Without insecurity. 

I like that.  It just is.

It exists on it's own merit.

You didn't notice that I have only one testicle?

How did I miss that? What I thought was he had one large ball ...like they were glued together or something.

He had just come out of the shower steamy and dewy.  I love a naked man answering the door. 

I just stood there taking him in. He stood ready and confident.

He asked me in.

He towel off and slid into some shorts.

I must have been nervous. ..

He said "yes it is different to be completely alone.  No one walking in on us."

It certainly was. That intensity of fucking in random places. ..The kitchen counter,  a table in the banquet room with cathedral ceilings and large open windows. The sitting room burrow wood card table

And across the couch in front of the fireplace.

In the hotel room it was  plain vanilla and over too quickly.

We talked afterwards.
Family stuff. The scars on his body.

Nothing real deep.

He seems to think having a son addicted to drugs is easier.
He commented.

"I thought my lot was rough,  glad my kid isn't transgendered."

Well what ever. I don't think it is that big a deal. If it made him feel better about his dilemma all the better.

I was not invited to spend the night. The whole thing lasted an hour and a half.

I need something more.

Holly balls

He was such a gentle man

The truck driver passed my friend in the hallway of the hotel. 
" I hope my radio didn't keep you up last night?"he said.

What a sweet thing to say I thought. But then my mind wanders " what noise was coming from his room?"

Clearly it was more. Just covering his tracks I suspect.

I am hurt only by the lie "you are the only one except my ex wife"

He is mearly a touch stone I carry in my heart to stave away the loneliness of this cold dark life.

One day it will no longer be needed. I am hoping soon

Why don't guys want to wear condoms?

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DtfMxL2VTJQ

Happy Solstice

Not much going on. Stuck at home with the husband. Mesquetoes are terrible. 
No new lovers in the wings. I might want to behave myself since I am more in tge public eye than the small fishbowl I usually swim in.

It just got more interesting

I was just interviewed by an ex lover's daughter. She never met me or knew about me.

I think I have to be the most out there candidate Alaska has seen in a while.

I have a band named after me and it is "Naked....my name"

I posted a naked picture of myself on facebook.

I am honest and out spoken.

Oh and I fuck....a lot

I promise to write more

I have been so busy and life is just crazy.

The husband is home and that sucks pretty much.

Finally just started telling people he has told  forever that our marriage has problems that he likes the sympathy and for people to feel sorry for him. He needs and has needed for me to be the bad guy for 12 years.

Pretty sick of it.

Planted for get me nots

In his garden. It's the little things.

I just like him. I don't care that he loves his wife. Who he is not living with.

But I would like them to just be hapy. They have so much to be together for.

I would love to have that. 

He is a good man.

Just a few pictures

It is beautiful this time of year.

It's all good

It's better.  I just like him.  It's unexplainable. 

I don't need any more than what it is.

Hurt again

In the same town as the truck driver. He is ignoring me.

Dinner

Recovering

The husband comes home tomorrow then I get to go to Valdez for some fishing and hanging out with friends.

The truck driver will be there. But I will be very busy and that would look bad.

Valdez is a very small town.

Well that went badly

The kid my son made that I just found out about turned out to be a real problem. 

I don't know what he was thinking sending her up here.  Her family caused so much drama it was unending. 

The threats and bad treatment of me and my family were just unbelievable. 

I could have do b e without it all.

Terribly sad

Granddaughter leaves tomorrow. 
Her family created a shit storm and now she is leaving.

It isn't fair.

My granddaughter moved in

I may never get to have sex again.

It was supposed to be just for the summer.
Then it was suppose to be till school started.
Now it could be this fall and spring.
It is not that we don't get along. We finish each other's sentences.
People call her mini me.

I just think I will be snuffed out.

Great weekend

At a bluegrass festival. Very fun. Hope everyone of you  having a great time.

Feeling shitty.

Husband is home. The mind games are unbelievable and maddening. 

Two days ago "hey let's stay at this place it is close to the theater."

Today." I can't get a ride to the theater. The shuttle say they don't go there" take a cab. The cab cab driver doesn't know where it is I just had him drop me off here" um. Can you walk?

"Yes but I can't remember where the theater is that I told you I knew where it was yesterday. "

OK so he asked if I could take him to the airport to get his car. Then said he would get it in the morning. Then said I am taking a cab to get my car because you don't want to be with me. Then said he wanted to go to dinner but intimated not with me.  Then started shouting how I am shucking and don't want to be with him.

I whipped out.

Too early for martinis

Now I Understand why  people drink when they feel like that. Deep ache inside. Makes you want to whine and you catch yourself weeping for no reason.

God I am not this person.  His smell. His walk. His voice bring shudders.

He is totally not my thing. We are so far apart as the moon.

And yet I am somehow saved.
I am now human.

Something I spent many years in therapy trying to achieve.
My feelings tucked deep in the darkness of my being.

Too early for martinis.  They soothe the desire I have waited a lifetime to feel.

I think I know what's missing

I have always been able and to feel like I'm turning the all the heads in the room.

I just feel so unsexy. It has always been a part of my life that much power. And to say no not with words ... with my eyes. I just feel like nobody wants me and I'm so in loveable.

So and fuckable. It's enough to make somebody depressed.

No truck driver today

It is sad when he passes. Its going to be a long 2 weeks with a husband home. And there are lots of things to do around here for the summer. We will have staff to train. Gardens to tend.

And I am running for office. 

I will miss him terribly. 

Fear and loathing on the campaign trail

Well I have been asked to run for office.  Don't get excited the party wants to see blue on the ticket throughout the state. 
The cost may change my mind. But the drive to be out there trying to change things.
Wow.

And my opponent is a former lover. What just desserts that would be if I could make a showing.

What is it about him.....

He smiles at me ....I crumble.
He speaks.....I grow wet it runs down my legs.

After I am calm my brain thinks again. My heart feels full.

I am so grateful.

A little bit of sunshine .....

If only it weren't just to get him off this morning.......

" Hey, is the skiing over for the winter? "

Yes it is how was your winter?

" It was OK. Kinda boring in parts. Rebuilt motor on bike,  new cams etc. Got fucked some,  but not enough :-) "

Are you making the long trek to the lower48?

" Yes. I haven't decided when yet. I have a minor electrical problem, and have to replace seals on front forks. I have tickets to Sasquatch on May 23rd at the Gorge Amphitheater in Quincy, WA. But, venue isn't that great. So, may sell tickets an wait until early June to leave. "
Our festival is always there. I am not sure what the prospects are for sex. There are plenty of women but who knows what goes on. I am usually busy.

"Festival? Sex?  Sounds like a great combination. LOL
Speaking of getting stuck, LOL. When r U coming to Anchorage again? Oh, and I definitely plan to stop by Lodge on way out of Alaska. When was last time you had multiple orgasms :-) "

Yes. I am hope each year I can have some sort of flirtatious moment in the midst of the festival. 

"Speaking of getting stuck, LOL. When r U coming to Anchorage again? Oh, and I definitely plan to stop by Lodge on way out of Alaska. When was last time you had multiple orgasms :-) "

"Needed what? That U r a hot, fun fuck. U soak my bed when we fuck. It's very exotic. I love fucking your drenched, swollen cunt. It's very hot. And, those times are to die for :-) Seriously "

"That was fun. sometimes your too shy. Not criticism. Just a point. You should get stoned and drunk and have a real nasty fuck session :-) For you, not your partner. "

I want ....it's hard to describe.....
I want to be bold in that I can just go in the direction my body needs .... That nice flow ...

" Oh for Pete's sake, LOL. You have a hot needy cunt,  awesome tits and itchy nipples. U need to fuck. And, fuck. And, fuck"

"And know your making my cock hard, and know itchy knowing what it's like buried in that swollen, tight cunt squirting like a fire hose :-) "

I want my clit. Sucked. Hard and soft

I want you to bury your face on my cunt

Nibble my tits

The back of my neck

I want to see you dizzy

Weak with lust

Till you can't take it anymore.....

And you slide into my swollen cunt

"There ya go. Now I'm feeling it. And U taste so good. But, it's hard to keep my mouth on your cunt you're squirming around so. LOL "

Yes....I do squirm. Lol

I like this wild man. I do get a little bored.  But not with him or the sex.  He is a friend..A nasty frind. I like that.

Still comming out of hibernation

As you can see from my posts I just have been blah. Despite the occasional 5 min sex reprieves from the truck driver. Sweet as it is it just doesn't fill the gap between lonely and lifeless to fully awake.

Granted it has been a very hard winter with husband mind games and the continued isolation of living here.

Veggie porn

Looking at flowers

To line the path  the truck driver walks on. I think they should look like.....pussy.

Blogger is not letting me respond to your comments.

Thank you for reading and hearing me. As I sit here it is still spring here in this part of Alaska. So I am coming out of hibernation in cabin fever. If I could just do that in a normal Alaskan fashion instead of some of the bullshit that goes on in my community would be very happy. I think the thing that really ticks me off about the last thing that I wrote about the crazy stuff. Is that in my life style I should be able to have my privacy in my affairs. Also my husband should have his privacy and whatever he chooses to do. Without people coming in and stirring the shit. And trying to attack and break apart my contract marriage whatever the f*** it is that I'm living in. Its just hard to go from being monogamous 2 whatever this is. I mean where are your standards of effects. It used to be that you never broke up another person's marriage you didn't even think about messing around with somebody's husband or boyfriend or even somebody who is interested in somebody never got between that. And now here I am f****** around with married man but there has to be a standard. Where you don't mess with their primary relationship. I mean I have feelings and I tried to stay up until the fat so that I'm not being jealous or forward or interfering or having delusional fantasies about leaving my husband for somebody else and taking away somebody else's husband I mean there has to be some point of ethical demeanor.  
Now I am talking crazy.

Why does a person do a thing like this

The husband has been telling everyone who we will listen for over a year that it is because of me that our car insurance is so high.  When in fact it is because AARP. Doesn't have that kind of coverage here.  I changed it to another company and it is one third the cost. 
He just makes me out to be a total looser asshole.

little crazy goes a long way

This beautiful sunny day in the garden turning the soil  When a van pulled into my driveway. This woman jumps out and she has some movies that my husband had lent her. We had a little conversation back and forth. When she starts telling me that I have it good here I don't deserve it and I treat my husband badly. Then she says she had heard all of the things that I have done to my husband. And I asked her who has who had told her these things. With a smirk on her face she said I'm not going to tell you. & I said please call me so that I can call this person and get to the bottom of it. She went on to tell me that I have it so good here. I reminded her that I bought this place that I buy the things that are in this place. That I landscaped this place that I bought the stuff that she is so envious of in this place with my own money. So with a smirk on her face she continued to lambaste me. She also told me that I would be moving out of the house and she would be moving in with my husband. Finally I said who told you all of this stuff. And she said your husband. At that point having just come from the hen house I took the eggs that were in my hands and started slamming her with them. I did not miss one she was in shock. Then I was shouting as well get off my f****** property and don't you ever mother f****** come back here. All in all it was really kind of comical. Why in god's name would someone get it in their head that I would be moving out of my home that typing before so that she could move in with my husband. And then I remembered my husband is not a smart man. He told her all of these stories about how horrible a wife I am. To a total stranger. A crazy stranger.

Do you think you can handle two cocks ?

as the truck driver stood besides his truck ready to get inside he said " do you think you can handle two cocks" sweet life face red and beautiful. We had just made love. Laugh out loud. We f***** . We f***** just a little because he had to go just does it always is. As he stood there I shrugged my shoulders and said is it because I'm old. He shook his head and said you smart ass. I hope I didn't make you mad. I said I think I can handle two cocks. I mean really what's to handle about it  he makes it sound like its rocket  science.

An important question

The truck driver asked come up for the weekend with his friend so we could have a threesome. they both are very into anal sex. And they have been friends for over 30 or more years. He said think of it I will be able to sleep with you all night long and hold you close. And my friend will be on the other side. His eyes were soft,  his vioce.....

What do you think?

This is more than a three some.