I could use a martini

They take the sting away from missing something I made up in my head as being real. I am not for sure what it is, but I have this i need to move in a different direction. I have so much work to do it is over whelming
Then I add to it by asking to serve on another board.
All I want to do really is sit here in front of my window and paint the mountain.... be the next Sidney Laurence.

I just don't know what's next, and I want something more. More than the " I want you, I need you, to be deep in you, to eat you for a long time" then just drive by with no text, no sorry I don't have time today, and not hear from him for months.
Until "will you be home today" Can I stop by?"  THen he doesn't.

A steady lover with no ties, respect, open sharing, good sex, and a better marriage because I don't want the trauma of a break up

You work so hard and if it falls apart you both loose fanatically and you have to start from scratch.
Best to come to some agreement.
Meet someone in the same boat, be happy.