Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Time to wash his aftershave from neck

This must be what it's like for the truck driver. Nice but easy to wash off and move on with the day and life.

I like this feeling. Control over emotions and being able to think. With one who communicates.  Everything is clear. Understood.
I see what the truck driver maybe thinks through this perspective.  A few words a quick fuck. Wash. 

But still remains the same for me.

The truck driver has no smell but his simple sweetness.  I do not wash him away he lingers on my skin for a little while. 

Quick and random thoughts

As a wife who has been cheated on and moved on. Now that I have run the gamut of cheating scenarios I would have stayed put.

Not worth giving up a marriage. Not that the fucking. I am getting is bad nor the relationship. It is just not the devotion to home and harth.

This morning I had an impromptu quickie with a friend.  We like to talk about recent escapades.  The subject is always people and fantasy.

He asked me mine.

I stammered. ...well other people have amazing ones. Mine start with wine a hike , skiing cooking playing fucking. Breakfast. ....

He looked at me ....then said that's companionship. 

The good part of our morning quickie.  He likes my adventure with the truck driver. Thinks it's very hot. And he held my wrists tightly till they were numb. Above my head. It was very erotic. It must be one of his tricks. 

Sunday, January 26, 2014

I haven't cooked in so long

The joy of a masterfully executed meal and a good fucking.

Who wouldn't want that?  After a long ski , a hot suna. Then a glass of brandy in the hot tub.

Just Fuck!!!!!!
Yes just a Fuck is nice on occasion.  But every time. Nothing more? How empty. It is not like I am asking for commitment.  Just some quality.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

It's funny how simple word like no can change the perspective of everything

He, the husband seems to have a sense of relief. In the hot tub last night he even said "even I would have a hard time having sex with me after all I have done"

It seems like such a relief for us both. Still there are mind games, but I don't take the bate, and it is so clear and there is not the struggle to be a spouse.

Like today it was "can I eat you?" then it was a mean jerk away, same thing about sex this afternoon. But I was just not into responding the same old way. I just looked on in acceptance like "here you own this, It is yours, the response you want isn't here anymore."

It has been a pleasant day.

I told him I would see what was in the freezer for dinner. At that I said I found some steak and lobster. He was easily convinced that he had bought and forgot.

It was the lobster I bought for the truck diver. He was never able to come here for it.

Just feel like it is time for a clean slate. So that something good will happen.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Rain!!!!

It has been raining all night. At this rate we will have no snow by the end of today.
Also an update. After saying no to the do you love me question.  What a relief.  I no longer whimper at the mean unthinkable acts inflicted .

I don't have to respond. He would say "get over it" now I just don't react.
Also I don't seem to have the strong feelings of attachment to the others.  It is very freeing.
It could be  result of the meditation class.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

I saw this place for sale on the other side of Alaska

Wouldn't it make a great B&B. With a gift shop expresso stand. You would have to have a good imagination and some gumption. 

http://m.realtor.com/#details?property_id=7903641484

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

So far

So far life is good. The beans haven't been spilled.  There is a bag packed in the car, money in the glove box and the tank is full.  All the friends are alerted. 

Thanks for  being there. ♡♡♡♡♡ I appreciate you all.

Do you love me. ....

No. My simple answer.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Why my house house is clean, why the bills are paid, why i have so many lists...

What I have learned from disconnecting from all that I do, and actually I get so nauseous if I even try to fix anything.

I am afraid. If everything is not just right, what will he do?

Not love me
Verbally abuse me
Hit me
Break something of mine
Take something away
Hurt the animals

I just feel a weight gone.. It is not like I have not said " I don't want to live in fear any more"


I could add to the list and this could include lovers -friends-husbands

40 Little Ways You Can Tell Someone Doesn’t Love You

1. There is innate disinterest when it comes to the meager, silly details about your life.

2. There is a lack of desire to make things better between you two.

3. Petty fights are picked without concern for what they’ll do to your relationship as a whole.

4. They buy you things that you don’t like but they do.

5. They try to change you into someone they want you to be.

6. They talk about the future more than they do the present.

7. They don’t call you regularly, or keep in touch at all.

8. Their parents don’t know about you.

9. They actually say they aren’t so sure.

10. Your interests may overlap, but your future goals clearly don’t.

11. And there seems to be no interest in compromising on those future goals.

12. You hear them say “well, I still want to see what’s out there” a lot.

13. And then they act on that.

14. They very clearly don’t trust you.

15. You can’t talk to them about things that are important to you.

16. You can’t talk to them about issues in the relationship without it turning into a huge fight.

17. You don’t put a lot of effort into making your lives coincide.

18. They don’t remember the little details (your birthday, favorite color, etc.)

19. They insult you in public, even if it seems like a joke.

20. Or they put you down, ever.

21. They fight dirty.

22. They imply that you need to lose weight or change your appearance somehow.

23. Sex is a one-way street, if you know what I mean.

24. They aren’t willing to reciprocate what you do for them.

25. They keep your relationship a secret.

26. They want to go out without you more than they want to be with you.

27. They are easily annoyed by you.

28. They don’t care to apologize when they were in the wrong.

29. Because they think you were always the one in the wrong.

30. If you ask them why they love you, they give you reasons that are anything other than “I just do.”

31. They don’t give you little signs of physical affection now and again.

32. They act like your pal more than your lover (not always a bad thing as long as the latter isn’t obsolete).

33. Conversations take work.

34. You can see in their eyes that they aren’t innately crazy about you.

35. They aren’t faithful.

36. They are more interested in the possibilities than the realities.

37. They are disrespectful toward your family or friends.

38. They make fun of things that are very important to you.

39. They make fun of you, and not in the playful flirtatious way.

40.

Friday, January 17, 2014

why can't we train people to be better at having an afair?

After all there all lots of books out there. For fucks sake my first EMA partner had me read a few. Then another one had me read even more.

I get so heart broken when someone shares about how they didn't get a text or there wasn't a plan. Especially when it is me boo hooing about some thoughtless man I have been with.

There used to be some great forums. You could learn anything from how to give a blow job in a car to be tec savoy , and getting a room without a credit card.

But mostly I want someone again who is an ethical slut, a pollyamorous Principal of the faith. I don't want my feelings hurt, and to be faded out. Nor do I want to be stood up.

Let me suggest some books to start with.

"The ethical Slut" A primer o Ployamory. Or "Marriage Confidential.
 Just tired , need a real partner. So I best get out there and replace the Truck Driver.

God it takes everything I have

My husband frustrates me so bad. It takes everything I have not to just say I f****** hate you so much. He has our finances in such a mess I just shake I am so afraid . It all could have been avoided if he would not have bought the house across the street we don't even f****** live in it. It Just sits over there with the heat and electric on. Now we can't pay the house payment on this place and have all kinds of bills we have to pay. I want to climb into somebody's arms and just leave there and let them hold me and f*** me make everything be ok.

Maybe it's my need to fix everything.  I feel so inadequate today. Even though i can see all around me the accomplishments.

Hey wait..... aren't i supposed to be loved just as a being?

I am by so many. But myself.

Some good stuff in a forum

I have been in a forum that discusses issues of Extramarital Affairs. It is so helpful to be with like minded people.
Sometimes I can't wrap my head around the fact that I am doing this. It would be so easy if......

The rules were clear

The rules were followed

I didn't have feelings

Just been wanting to not   see this person anymore. The problem is I see him every time he makes a delivery. I am so attracted to him and I just don't know why. It would be so nice if he just changed route. Because we don't see each other anywhere else but here . in the 15 minutes to drop something off.

she just stood there , chatting away, as I thought just shut the fuck up....

Couldn't she see I was totally naked and the truck driver was scrambling to put his dick back in his pants?

She went on and on. How long have you been on generator?   I said we had not been a generator power in 30 years. Then how is your Internet working? She had dropped the modem off two days ago when i was not at home. Oh she works for the phone company. It is fine I just  facebooked my friends it is very fast. And  just posted that the power was on, so when you go home you should be fine. The power had been out all day.

As I hid behind the lamp with an Afghan wrapped around myself, I thought. She must not have any idea what is going on here.
Then I looked over as the truck driver was doubled over on the floor, I thought he is having a heart attack.  But it turned out his legs just went out fron under him.
After she left he looked at and said "that will be a call to office." I then remembered she was close friend of the husband, and all his friends. Fuck.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I hope this will just blow over. I did some prep work I told the husband about the lights, then after awhile said she had stopped, then after a while said I was putting the couch back as I had an issue witn the old lamp after the lights came kn. So it will not be a shock to him if it comes up. A seed was planted of normalcy.

This is not a good birthday

The truck driver could get fired. And if my h finds out I could be dead by the end of the week. This sucks.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

well it happened we got busted

I had made an order , it was my birthday today. I so desperately wanted to see him, the truck driver.

His truck pulled up late, I was so hoping he would stay the night. the snow was deep so I opened the front door. In he  came "where is the hubby?"  he said he thought he was here because of the delivery. But I told him how I wanted him. He said he couldn't stay because he made reservations elsewhere. I bit his lip as he kissed me.
Kissed him passionately.  He kissed back sweetly. I begged "please stay, I need you "
 I will convince you, I pulled his pants . Then he said he would be no good for me tonight, he had taken muscle relaxant for his back. I said it didn't matter he could just stay.
We started play, I took him in the sitting room in the wingback chair. I wrapped my breasts around him as I kissed his cock . He talked dirty to me and said he wanted a threesum. Then he put me on. The game table. we fucked for a short while. Then he got soft, so I fell to my knees.

As I sucked we both heard the door bells and footsteps.

he didn't friend me on facebook

I have been sexting a total stranger. I shit you not not. Ok the truck driver and i we were just busted , but I will share that later. Anyway this guy friends me. Has the same name as the truck driver. So after the bust, I messaged him saying it was ok, , that we will just tell people he was helping fix a light after an outage. Thanked him again and said it was best birthday ever. OMG. What has my life become?

He friended me

He friend ed me on Facebook!!!"
How julienne that sounded. But my heart fluttered and no rational coaxing from brain would make it stop. What would be the consequences of such a thing? His friends family, his wife seeing it.
Then this morning while reading birthday greetings .....none from him. he should know, but nothing. Then I checked his paged, I was unfriended. I felt numb, a shiver run through me. Here I am this 57 year old lady expecting something from a young hockey player. I was humiliated by my own feelings and expectations.
Why he is a mire 50 years old. How could I even be in his radar. Then it dawned on me as I lay in misery and defeat. He had started a new page. Low and behold there I was a friend. My heart soared. How ridiculous.
My brain settled me. I am a mire friend on an obscure web page. This is not real. But his kisses were, and lately they were deep, passionate, and sweet.
It all made sense now. He asked me not to message him on his Facebook. The other one.
He is coming today. A delivery. The snow is falling heavily so that the lights flickered all night and now there is the cold silence. Nothing but the crackle of the fire.
What prefect night for him stay.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

FFF enjoy ..........



Word Limit: 300Bonus Words: +100 if you tell us your opinion on ObamaCare.Required Phrase: "First, do no harm"Forbidden Concept: Don't make it about blue balls.Extra Credit: Throw some medical mumbo jumbo in there

He liked the feel of panties, the smell and texture of of the fabric. Old elastic, cotton, silk
, natural is best.......it captures and preserves the sent so well. It's warm musty milk. old is rich and deep.
 When he was young, a teen. He caught the smells from his mother, but never made the connection. Then at last, while petting in the back seat of his car, he knew. He could smell it even in her skin  as he kissed her neck. "I must be a freak he thought to himself" In college the coed dorms gave ample opportunity to snatch a pair left in the laundry. It was great, even better if worn.

As he turned the corner to  room 125, he herd her moaning stepping back as therapy was in progress. No sign was up? What ever, when a teachable moment is there it just is. He lingered at the door. Nurse Jones has the most soft yet raw moans. He could smell her soft scent. Oops getting hard. Better move on.

It was after reading the Kinsey Report he knew his speciality was going to be Sex. But how could this be a science that anyone would back and pay for. Thank God for Obama Care. It opened up the doors for researchers to be funded on how sex is more than for procreation. And how it ties into brain heath, longevity, and emotional health. It is what connects us, what makes us human.

He headed for the break room. Ahhhh "Sarah" He sighed. "I need an orgasm .....STAT!!!!!!!!


.For juicy hot FFFfollow this link

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Sunday fog

Sitting in one of my favorite coffee shops waiting for a quick breakfast.  Heading to town for a guild luncheon. 
Reading and enjoying the posts of blogs I like. The Sunday paper coffee....long gone. But this is better. News from real people.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Went to the clinic today

No not what you think. Get your mind out of the gutter.  Unfortunately I am not getting the fucking I need lately.

I have had an inner ear thing apparently.  It caused me to be not able to drive.  It took me 14 hours to get home the other day.  A normally 2 hour drive. 

The new doctor was very handsome.  A quick look to see a wedding band. Not that fucking a married Christian ever stopped me.

I was glad to be treated and released. I have two opportunities this next week.  And I don't need to miss out.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Northern lights

For those of you in the lower 48 the lights may be visible because of an enormous solar flare.  Happy viewing. ♡♡♡♡

The retreat was fun

But I get motion sick even driving myself.  So it took me 14 hours to get home.  The drive is only a 2 hour trip.  This so sucks.  I am still shaking. 

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Husband leaves in the morning

It went well.  I didn't take and of the bait. But caught him in many lies. I mean really he didn't change the light bulb.  I did  and a few other things. 

Saturday, January 4, 2014

The husband is home

Fortunately I have had a serious head cold. A great excuse for not having him near me.

I just can't fuck someone that has used me for all I am worth. 

"I am married to it  I should be able to get some " sorry not forplay.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

"Are the ski trails ready"

And " Happy New Year"

It was our code. The Owl would ask about snow conditions so as not to be suspicious if husband looked at my phone. 

I replied next week they will open.

In fact my only time I have other guests , an opera luncheon , and two board meetings.  Also a possible overnight with the truck driver.  A busier January than I wanted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Is38naHuxjE&feature=youtube_gdata_player