I walk down the hall........

The number is the one the husband texted to me, as the man opens the door his face is blank as death, his body ridged, his stare cold as ice.

Calmly I say "I am so sorry I have the wrong room. I turn, walk down the hall to the elevator, just as reach to the button, I hear his voice say "Get in here"

It is always like making love to something dead .

I hear the jake break....

He enters from the side door, as he comes round the corner into the fireplace room his face aglow a flush in his cheeks, it is as though his red hair is on fire, a huge grin, then he takes me in his arms lifts me from the ground, I wrap my legs around him as he kisses me deep.

Holding me close for what seem like a wonderful forever. I say"Iam heavy" He says "you are are light" I slide to my knees undo his belt, take him in my mouth, his knees grow week, he sits in a chair, Then he asks "where do you want me" He stands I face the seat of the chair , he enters me from behind, I am wet and ready for him.

He talks a little about his summer plans, I never know much more, as I don't see him for months. When he regains his strength , a sweet shot kiss ....he is gone.

My soul revived.

"why do you cheat"

This question gets asked a lot in chat circles , or on boards. It has many answers,  here is mine.

After living in a relationship that literally sucks the life out of me , suffocating me to near death...... ok too dramatic.

But not far from the truth. very few people say anything to stop bulling. It is human nature to fit in and take the side of the aggressor. It is also one of the top 37 criminal thinking errors. We humans live a life of defences and lies, when all we really need is truth, openness, and living what is real. All you need is love... really.

So why I cheat......

I need the feel of a man's arms around me, the strength that comes from his very being as a man. His smell, his taste, to breathe his breath into me, to smell and taste his cum on me.
To know that men are safe, kind, and rational.

Yes they belong to some Else, but I do not intend on stealing them away. They also belong to themselves, and I am glad to be apart of what ever it is that I bring them.

Yesterday's post

Seems so cruel. I wonder what men go through when rhey feel just stuck. Where it is children, grown, or young, a lifetime of growing a retirement, a household. Then to lose it all because you need more.
I gave him the option of cheating long ago. I get sick of being jealous. I was hoping it would lead to a more open relationship with me not having to lie. I hate it.

One of his friends wife said she hoped someone would steal me from him. My friends are hoping someone rich will buy his part of this place and let me run it by myself.

It does make me smile to know people understand.

i miss sex....

Really I do. But I am so tired, the craziness of the husband is so tiring, confusing....but i am getting better about not buying into it. I had to do duty sex last night. Visualizing a lover didn't help, the "i really hate fucking you" feeling persisted. I didn't vomit this time, that's a plus. i hate being so down. My goal the next two two weeks is just to sleep, do things I love,and walk. Then hopefully I will get my mojo back. I had some lovely Summer sex. So wanting a new exciting lover that just sweeps me off my feet.

Sun rise

husband leaves for work today....

Yes, so hard to be around someone like him, I feel like I am suffocating . So today he says ""so are you going to relieve the pressure?  Um, what? Oh yes get it wet for you.  Why bother. He makes me hate sex.....even the thought of it.

Snow

Was crisp this morning.

Winter is on the way. Ready for dark nighs in the hot tub. And steamy adventures. The mountain is beautiful.

The owl is back....

What a magnificent fuck he is. Uf anyone thinks sex is over when you get to in your sixties ....holy fuck me hard , owl can go for hours, an raw animal dirty fuck. I found him on AM. He was so reluctant to meet. He goes for experience. I was lucky. We wrote poetry, sex poetry. I would start with a Chinese from yin yang butterfly. And he would rewrite them to be more accurate. His thesis was owls.

Very funny add

http://anchorage.craigslist.org/cto/4074304170.html

So awesome, I love the red

I heard it in a whisper....

I love you. I drove the two hours home from rehearsal. He asked if I could meet him. I went to the wrong room. A person was asleep in the bed. I realized that before they awoke. The place was too crowded and busy for me to get in without being Discovered. So I texed him from down the road. He called latter. It was kind of like phone sex...but not. He said he planed to spend the night with me. But for that to be real he needed to tell me ahead of time. It would have been our first over night. I said oh don't tell me that and break my heart.  he is not for me. He just makes my soul smile. I need that here. In the heart of darkness. He said sweet dreams, in the whisper flowing ....I love you..I love you I whisped. Whispers don't count.

Northern lights over head

The view from the hot tub. Well deserved after the two hour drive back from the city. I can hear faint howling in the distance..wolves. I am startled by the sound of beating wings over head, then the loud honk from trumpeter swans. It's beautiful here yet oh so lonely.

So beautiful this time of year

Those are sheep

Wish I could sleep

As well.as my dogs do. So tired and just have not been able to fall asleep. I need that person to come into my life that takes away him ....the one I mean so little to. Love makes absolutely no sense.

oh and ....

A guy I only fucked once texted me, I think he butt dailed me, but wants to get together. I like him in that i can be very direct where as with the SD I can only be volnerable and just submit. Well anyway we may set up a weekly fuck session to meet our needs. he doesn't make me laugh, I have a problem with that....

Omg guess what?!

Anchorage Opera Just called they asked me to sing with the choris in Lucia. How fucking cool is that. bad news, I was going to get a visit from specail delivery tomorow. oh well, guess what my choice is......opera. Any guy who stands me up without telling me, and just thinks of me as a hole on the highway.

Thanks

I have just been in a funk. Very pouty and whining . I am not normally like this.

God it is so weird how I

Feel him. And then he texts me. So awesome.

Not this week...

He is still hunting. Just found out from the relief driver. That's it I need a new
  lover and I don't mean maybe !!! Our a real one. I'm sending it to the universe.

Maybe today.....

Or in the morning .....I will get to hold him, fuck him. He is just to burrow not to keep. He reminds me that there is hope and real men out there. One day I will be free of this horrible marriage.

have had a rough two weeks

But I have enjoyed everyone s blogs and FFF. I put the house up for sale today, and have posted it on the wwb. I think he and I just don't have the same vision for this place. He just wants to drink and be bossy. I work my but off to make it cute.

Done I might try this again

hello

It has been a long two weeks. Husband leaves in the morning. I will havetwo weeks worth out him to recover. :-)