I walk down the hall........

The number is the one the husband texted to me, as the man opens the door his face is blank as death, his body ridged, his stare cold as ice.

Calmly I say "I am so sorry I have the wrong room. I turn, walk down the hall to the elevator, just as reach to the button, I hear his voice say "Get in here"

It is always like making love to something dead .

I hear the jake break....

He enters from the side door, as he comes round the corner into the fireplace room his face aglow a flush in his cheeks, it is as though his red hair is on fire, a huge grin, then he takes me in his arms lifts me from the ground, I wrap my legs around him as he kisses me deep.

Holding me close for what seem like a wonderful forever. I say"Iam heavy" He says "you are are light" I slide to my knees undo his belt, take him in my mouth, his knees grow week, he sits in a chair, Then he asks "where do you want me" He stands I face the seat of the chair , he enters me from behind, I am wet and ready for him.

He talks a little about his summer plans, I never know much more, as I don't see him for months. When he regains his strength , a sweet shot kiss ....he is gone.

My soul revived.

"why do you cheat"

This question gets asked a lot in chat circles , or on boards. It has many answers,  here is mine.

After living in a relationship that literally sucks the life out of me , suffocating me to near death...... ok too dramatic.

But not far from the truth. very few people say anything to stop bulling. It is human nature to fit in and take the side of the aggressor. It is also one of the top 37 criminal thinking errors. We humans live a life of defences and lies, when all we really need is truth, openness, and living what is real. All you need is love... really.

So why I cheat......

I need the feel of a man's arms around me, the strength that comes from his very being as a man. His smell, his taste, to breathe his breath into me, to smell and taste his cum on me.
To know that men are safe, kind, and rational.

Yes they belong to some Else, but I do not intend on stealing them away. They also belong to themselves, and I am glad to be apart of what ever it is that I bring them.

Yesterday's post

Seems so cruel. I wonder what men go through when rhey feel just stuck. Where it is children, grown, or young, a lifetime of growing a retirement, a household. Then to lose it all because you need more.
I gave him the option of cheating long ago. I get sick of being jealous. I was hoping it would lead to a more open relationship with me not having to lie. I hate it.

One of his friends wife said she hoped someone would steal me from him. My friends are hoping someone rich will buy his part of this place and let me run it by myself.

It does make me smile to know people understand.

i miss sex....

Really I do. But I am so tired, the craziness of the husband is so tiring, confusing....but i am getting better about not buying into it. I had to do duty sex last night. Visualizing a lover didn't help, the "i really hate fucking you" feeling persisted. I didn't vomit this time, that's a plus. i hate being so down. My goal the next two two weeks is just to sleep, do things I love,and walk. Then hopefully I will get my mojo back. I had some lovely Summer sex. So wanting a new exciting lover that just sweeps me off my feet.

Sun rise

husband leaves for work today....

Yes, so hard to be around someone like him, I feel like I am suffocating . So today he says ""so are you going to relieve the pressure?  Um, what? Oh yes get it wet for you.  Why bother. He makes me hate sex.....even the thought of it.