Life is good. I have developed friendships, go out to eat, see plays and concerts .... the usual things of a retired upper middle class person.
Recently I have done extensive remodeling to my home. It feels like home. Not just a place to just sleep, or eat. But a home. There is something very beautiful and safe about this for me. My home is definitely an expression of who I am.
Maybe weirdly an extension of my sexuality.
Something that has been missing for a while.
I have been a safe place for my girlfriends to tell their secrets, and openly state how they really feel or think.
My home is my safe place. A retreat from the world.
I was again looking forward to having the Truck driver over this evening. He was not about to secure a place close so I could sneak over and bring him back here.
The years of the anticipation of time. I thought it had come to an end.
His words are welcome and good to hear even when there is no follow through.
I will still hope.
sixteen years of moments.
I regret nothing.
But as my Title suggests.....
A good friend lost his wife recently. He was in a very bad way. He was admitted into hospice after falling and breaking his hip. He had been recuperating from pneumonia and has fluid on his heart.
He was brought to the memorial by special ambulance.
He had tubes coming from everywhere and was half conscious.
After the service he was wheeled out to the Narthex to receive condolences from well wishers before returning to the hospital.
I stood in line and after reaching his side said "the tulips and flowers are beautiful and she would have loved them."
He woke from his comma like state and grabbed my arm " I love you"
It was kind of creepy.
A few weeks later at a concert my 93 year old friend told me she whispered in his ear that he had better get well as she wanted to flirt with him.
I didn't dare tell her what he said to me. She was sure I was flirting with the 90 year old she had her eye that sat behind us in church. He died. It shocked us all as he was so healthy. In his sleep.
Then she turns to me and says "there is a new bachelor in town... ". It was a man who recently put his wife in care. She has dementia.
After my walk with walking buddies we stopped in a caffe for coffee. One of them pipes up with what I am sure she thought would be a conversation starter.
"My husband says we all have 30 years left as lifespans are longer now" She is 74.
We all started laughing our asses off.
"for God sake, we call each other every morning to see who is still above ground"
Our lives seem so short now.
