It's Wednesday

He passes today. Early in the morning.  I am in bed sleeping but I hear him slow down.  He looks for the husband's car.
I might get a text,  but do I want one?

Feeling  like the bloom  is off the rose.

It was a little creepy

Have to say it was a little creepy that two conversations were going on at once. And yet it was so disconnected from each other. As they walked back to their trucks he turned around and said are you going to place an order next week. His cheeks were flushed red you could see you the excitement in his eyes and they glowed. But yet my interest for him has faded.

His truck pulled in, another pulled beside it

As I walk to the chicken coop I saw the truck drivers truck pulling to the end of our parking lot. I heard another truck pulling beside it. He leaped out of the truck and ran up to his friend. I was wondering why they had to park so far away. Or that they had parked in my driveway at all. The husband was home in fact we were in the yard working on the greenhouse. I thought to myself this cannot be good I headed for the chicken coop with the Chicken Treats. I looked out they were still there. I went back in the chicken coop and thought I'm just going to stay in here. I heard them talking to the husband it went into the lodge. I came out it seems safe and walked over. In a while they came out of the lodge and said just came by to say thank you for the bathroom. I knew they hadn't stopped for the bathroom. This was his friend the one that he wanted to have a threesome with. It took a while and talk to the husband and myself. Some of the things he said cut me to the Bone. I would never stay at this place. This is too much work. I would go stir-crazy having to live here. Then before he left he said what are you doing next weekend I had to explain that I had every treat planned for that weekend in the lodge. Obviously he wanted to hook up and set up something for the weekend. It'd be nice to have a normal conversation. I think that what hurt the most is when you're having an affair with someone you think I would like this person to spend everyday with me working in my garden just laughing over coffee in the morning. In those moments I realized I would never want to spend any time with this person in real life. It hurt to have my dreams or my fantasies really crushed to the ground. On the other hand it's nice to think at my age did somebody wants to fuck me and then set up a threesome and share me with somebody else. What an ego booster.

He painted a world so wonderful,  just his being. No words. It was magic.

The husband returns today

Sweet messages  from the truck  driver. Wanting to see me.
But the husband  comes home today. A much needed  break for him. He has been working for 4 weeks.
The hope is that there us work this summer.

All is well and as it should  be here. Spring is  a month early.  The plants might get an early  srart.

The chickens are un cooped and happy. I am freshening the  flock with new chicks.  Easter  eggers. They are
Pretty.

I have a show coming up May first, so have to get s few more paintings done.

Seeing an opera this Friday. And spending time with  husband.

I feel a change coming on...

It's  like there is a heavy  feeling of death in the lodge.

It could be anything  really. Someone  may pass, or a loss or change  in the community will occur.

It's quite  erie.

All memories from my past are surfacing. My secrets. All the things that kept me  going these long dark years, 15.

Some good things, some as empty and lonely as winter.

The spring light exposes cobwebs,  and dust.

It now sheds light on dreams and hopes of something deeper with the truck driver. 

Never an overnight,  a meal shared,  siting  in front of the fireplace.

All the romantic preparation. ...

Just 5 to 10 minutes of passion.

It is though we are the physical  bodies. And spirits  inhabit them to meet once again.