Ember

“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light.”

- Albert Schweitzer

That's how it all started.  The inner light had blown out. The cold dark nights of winter, endless summer days. The emptiness, loneliness, of very hard work and no relief from a connection to others, or intimacy. 

Now

You can not help the weather. For the first time in nine years it is hot and sunny. After a long never ending winter it takes one by surprise to walk outside with no parka, not even a sweater, to feel the sun, the air on your skin. At least no fires, a light breeze would be nice to take the bugs away.  There is no escaping the the buzzing, biting no matter how much poison is sprayed on. Even the fish are hiding from the heat and will not take a fly.

The confusion of of the late spring, unexpected hot temperatures adds to the uneasy feeling regarding my future. The old log house even has an air of uncertainty.  It's stable longevity giving way to the feeling that a major change is about to occur.